Love On Fire (Fire Series #1)

Kabanata 20

Walang formal break up pero parang ganoon. I gave him the space he needed. Dalawang linggo na ang nakakalipas wala pa rin. Walang text o tawag. Walang paramdam. Right now, I feel that we're slowing drifting apart.

I badly want to see him. I miss everything about him. I miss you,  mahal ko.

I couldn't help the terrified feeling brewing inside my chest. Natatakot ako. Tangina, paano kung ganito na lang lahat? These thoughts are killing me.

"Rashiel, stop thinking na him. It's your day. Enjoy!" I snapped back to where I was now. Hera invited me to a coffee shop nearby. Treat niya raw. She told me to go to a bar. Ayoko nga doon. Besides, menorde edad pa lang din ako. Sabi niya, may mga nakakalusot naman. I told her I can't. I'm not interested with it, too.

"Sorry." was all  I could say.

"Hey! Birthday mo kaya, you should be enjoying now." aniya. 

How could I enjoy? How could I be happy? Birthday ko nga pero parang hindi.
I smiled in response.

I celebrated my birthday with my family. Sa ospital lang din, pero special naman dahil kasama ko sila.

Wala pa namang hating gabi. At ito ako ngayon, naghihintay pa rin sa kanya. This won't be special without his presence. Putangina kasi. I blew an air of frustration.

I dozed off to sleep right after I closed my eyes. Hindi ko na rin napigilan ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko, hinayaan ko na lang. This was definitely the worst birthday ever. Tangina mo, Padua! Putangina.

Napadilat ako ng mata nang may naramdaman akong halik sa noo ko.  It wasn't clear but I'm pretty sure it's him. My heart beat says so.

"Padua.." I felt him kissed the top of my hair. "This isn't a dream, right?" I whispered.

"Panaginip lang 'to, tulog ka na." Hindi ko na rin halos naintindihan ang sinabi niya. Hinila na ako ng antok. Kung panaginip man 'to, sana kahit dito magstay siya.

Mas pinagbutihan ko na lang ang pag aaral ko. I did this to divert myself. I'm done with him. Kung ayaw niya akong kausapin, edi wag. If he wanted to be alone, then be it. I wouldn't be the one to push myself to him just because I crave for his attention. 

I heaved a great sigh of relief when I finished reviewing.  Nasa library ako ngayon nag-mememorize ng medical terms.  Kanina bagsak ako sa laboratory exams kaya kailangan kong bumawi.  May written research paper din akong kailangang ipasa na kailangan umabot ng 15 pages. 

I groaned in frustration. Ang dami ko pa rin kasing aasikasuhin na papers pa dahil noong nakaraang araw pumunta kami sa lugar kung saan makakakita ka ng mga wildlife animals, kailangan namin ng review doon. Tambak ang mga requirements pero wala naman akong magagawa kung magrereklamo pa ako. I have to depend on myself, alone and be strategic and innovative.  Dahil isa pa sa iniaim ko ay ang makasama sa dean's lister. 

Nang makauwi ako sa bahay ay sinubukan kong tapusin lahat ng trabaho.  I went to the kitchen and drank a glass of water. Nakita ko naman agad si Mama na nasa sala na mukhang malalim ang iniisip. 

"Ma." I called her. Agad naman niya akong tiningnan. Ginawaran niya ako ng ngiti. 

"What's up? Hindi ka po pumunta ng ospital?"

"Hindi anak. May inasikaso lang."

"Ahh,"

"Kamusta na kayo ni Gray anak?" Mama asked all of a sudden. That startled me. Yumuko ako. Hindi ko rin naman alam ang sasabihin ko.

"Hindi ko po alam, Ma pero parang wala na kami. I tried understanding him. Pero, ayaw niyang magpaintindi.." my voice broke. Mas lalong nadurog ang puso ko nang huling usap namin.  Hindi niya man lang ako binalikan, hindi man lang siya gumawa ng paraan para kausapin o mag-sorry man lang.