Love On Fire (Fire Series #1)

Kabanata 33

"I'm left... wondering, what went wrong? You who didn't trust me or I who didn't try hard to chase you. Kasi, hindi ko maintindihan..." he said in pain. Hindi niya pa rin binatawan ang kamay ko. Sinalubong ko naman ang tingin niya.

"You don't need to understand, Padua. Pinagusapan natin ito , hindi ba? Tapos na. Wala na tayo... wala na ang tayo..." my voice cracked. I should not tell this to him! I should not! But we need this. Maybe, we need to talk things. We both were ruined and destroyed.

"I wanted to know, Esguerra! It wasn't still clear to me. You talked about regrets but you didn't tell me the reason why you chose not to listen to me. I wanted to know! Why did you also choose to leave me?!" Napapikit ako sa lakas ng sigaw niya. I'm not ready for this! Sana pala mas hinanda ko ang puso ko sa ganitong pag uusap.

"May girlfriend ka na, Padua..."

"But, Esguerra... I need to know." his voice almost pleading.

"Ano ba ang gusto mong malaman?! Wala na tayo, Padua. Tapos na nga! Anong gusto mong gawin ko? Hindi na nga natin mababalik lahat! I ended it! We ended it! Nagkasakitan na tayo," I heard him sigh. His jaw clenched as he was staring at me.  "Stop this, Padua.. magagalit ang girlfriend mo pag nalaman niya 'to.. please.."

"Putangina, Esguerra!" his lips were quivering.

"I-I need to go." I tried to get away from him but he's too fast to hold my arm. He made me face him.

"Ano ba, Padua?!"

"You're running from me again.. leaving me hanging! Laurena. Ilang taon na ikaw pa rin.." I stared at him. I should be happy, right? Pero, bakit mas nasasaktan ako. Those words bled my soul. Pain was still evident in him and my eyes were starting to pool. "Tangina, Esguerra. Para akong asong inulol mo na hanggang ngayon binabalik balikan ka pa rin." dagdag niya pa.

I didn't want these words to hear from him. Kasi Mali ito. This was so damn wrong. She has girlfriend. Hindi ako ang sisira ng relasyon nila. Ayoko. If leaving can make everything right, it's better to leave and choose to stay away than staying while hurting.

"B-Bakit mo 'to ginagawa, Padua? May Sabrina ka na..." I sobbed. 

"I know. I love her... I love her for not leaving me and staying by my side. You know how many times I've been left! But she chose to be with me. She chose me which you never did!" He shouted. Pakiramdam ko ilang minuto na lang bibigay na ako.

Words have left my mouth. I don't know what to say. Ang lakas pa rin ng kalabog ng puso ko. Dinaig pa nito ang malakas na ugong ng tambol.

"What? Wala kang masabi kasi tama naman ako! You chose to leave me for what? You accused me of something I never did. Ganun ka ba kating kati hiwalayan ako?"

His words echoed inside my head. Hindi naman naging madali sa akin na magdesisyon ng ganun.

Hindi niya alam kung ano rin ang pinagdaanan ko. Dumating ako sa puntong gustong gusto kong bumalik uli pero hindi puwede noon dahil operasyon ni Papa. 

Marahil siguro ay kinakailangan naman talaga naming mag-hiwalay. We were both young. Ang daming hindi naging maganda sa relasyon namin noon. It was getting toxic for the both of us. We needed to grow individually. But, sometimes I couldn't helped but wonder... what if we stayed together? Would we able to reach our dreams? Either way, our relationship won't really last long. 

"Padua... please... I can't.." Mariin ako lumunok. My shoulders were shaking terribly and I need to bite my lip hard to prevent myself from crying. I have never been ready for this confrontation.

"Mahal kita, Esguerra.. hanggang ngayon, mahal pa rin kita. Mahal na mahal.. kahit na sinasaktan mo ako ng paulit ulit.." I moved backward as he stepped closer. I gasped when he cupped my cheeks and kissed me.