He saw. Luke saw my cuts. What if he tells Michael? Michael knows about all my problems, except this. This is the one thing I hid from him, because I know that he will freak out. He'll tell our mom, and I'll just get more and more pills. What will my mom do? She'll flip! Besides, I dont want to stop cutting. It reminds me that Im alive. It lets me feel.
I suddenly feel dizzy, while standing there in the middle of the tour bus, and I cant catch my breath while these thoughts race through my mind. "Woah, are you okay Brooke?" Ashton asks while he gently places a hand on my back. I cant answer him. What will I do without my pills? Michael is going to find out. I feel Calum and Luke rush to my side, and realize that Im now laying in fetal position on the ground, unable to breathe. "Oh fuck!" I hear Michael yell, as he steps onto the bus. "Brooke Lynn, try to calm down. Where are your pills?" I cant stand this. I cant breathe, I need my pill. I realize that I'm now laying in a pool of my own throw-up. I have to tell Michael that I forgot my pills. I have to. But before the words could leave my mouth, I take a few ragged, shaky breaths, while I watch the boys run around like crazy, yelling, trying to figure out what to do, everything goes black.
I woke up in my bunk, to find myself in comfortable pajamas, and my hair wet. Im not suprised though. Michael and my mom always did this for me whenever I had a panic attack and passed out. I look over and see Michael to my left, and Luke to my right, both asleep. Its kinda cramped, all 3 of us in one bunk, but its okay. It makes me feel safe. Luke looks so adorable laying there. I wonder how long it took for them to fall asleep? How long they layed by me.
I poked Michaels back and he grunted and rolled over to look at me. His eyes suddenly shot open. "Brooke! Youre awake! Are you okay?" "Uh yeah, I think so. What time is it?" He quickly checked his phone. "Oh, you passed out yesterday at about 4:00pm. And right now its about 11:00am. and our concert is at 2:00pm. Were already at parked, but we werent gonna leave you in here." He said, sounding extremely tired. "I never found your pills by the way.. where are you keeping them?" He asks, curiously. I take a long shaky sigh. "I... I didnt bring them, Michael." "WHAT!? Youre joking right!?"
"No Michael. Why do you think that I didnt sleep at all the other night? and why Ive been having so many panic attacks. and why I didnt want to get out of bed the other day, Michael! Ive been so depressed without my depression pills! And my anxiety is so bad! I cant stand it anymore!"
"Wait.. what do you mean 'so many panic attacks'?" I sigh. "I had one the night that I didnt get any sleep, Michael. But its okay! Luke helped me with it." At this point Luke is awake and sitting up, and I look over at him. "Im so glad that youre okay Brooke, I was so worried." He said to me. Michael all the sudden bursts out, "She had a panic attack and you didnt tell me?! What the fuck Luke!" Luke is taken aback, "I.. uh.. she-..." "Its okay Michael." I pitch in.
"No its not. Its not okay." He said. Ive never heard him sound so angry before. He jumped down from the bunk and grabbed the nearest thing to him, which happened to be a glass plate, that he through against the wall. It shattered and the peices went all over the floor. He grunts and heads towards the table. He pushes everything off it, causing them to fall to the floor, followed by a huge crash. "MICHAEL!" I yell, now crying. Ashton and Calum are awoken by all the commotion and rush to Michael. They pull him back, while he attempts to punch through one of the bus windows. I yell for him to stop, but its no use. Michael is strong. He pulls away from the two, and proceeds to punch through the window. The glass shatter and I scream. I've never seen Michael like this before. Luke tries to calm me down, telling me that everything will be okay, while Michael continues to break everything on the bus, screaming in anger.
What have I done..
