I never ended going to sleep. How could I have? I dont have my pills. I dont even remember a night where I fell asleep without my pills. Or where I got through a whole day without them. How am I gonna get through today?
The sun is shining through my window, so I know that its finally day time. Im not sure if I'll be able to get out of bed today. Im not feeling myself, and Im just exhausted and sad. I pull a mirror out of my suitcase, and the first things I notice are huge dark bags under my eyes. Great.
The first to wake up was Luke. He stood up and looked at at me in my bunk, when his eyes widened. "Oh my god, Brooke! It looks like you didnt get any sleep last night!" I looked down. "Thats because I didnt." He growled at himself, "Ugh! I shouldn't have left you last night! You were still having a panic attack, werent you? Im so stupid stupid stupid!" He said while he hit himself on the head. He sighed and sat back on his bunk. "No Luke, its ok, you really helped a lot." My voice sounds scratchy and tired. And I guess we were being loud cause We woke everyone up. Everyone went to the kitchen for breakfast except me. I stayed in my bed. I couldn't get up.
"Where's Brooke?" I heard Ashton say. "Maybe shes still sleeping." Calum answered. "Ill go check on her" I Michael said, quickly. And suddenly I hear his footsteps coming near me. I dont know what to do so I just kinda lay there. He opens my curtain and looks at me confused. "Oh, youre awake? Why dont you come eat breakfast?" I look down, unable to make eye contact. "I dont think I can make it out of bed today" I sigh. "What? Why? ...Oh my god, Those bags under your eyes! Did you have one of your nightmares? Go to bed late?" "No none of that." I simply say. He shook his head in disbelief. "Then what?"
"I never went to sleep Michael." He stared at me with his mouth hanging open and eyes full of sympathy. "Well, did you take your pills?"
"Uh, yeah." I lied, "I guess they just didnt work for some reason." There was no way I was telling him that I forgot them. "Im just tired and I dont want to move or do anything today." I say emotionless, looking down. "Brooke, take your depression pill. Right now."
"No, Michael Im just tired thats all." Lies, lies lies. He knows Im lying. "Thats always your excuse." He said with a hint of Anger in his voice as he walked back into the kitchen.
I finally force myself out of bed and drag myself into the bathroom. I put on my makeuo but you cant still see my dark circles. I look terrible. But then again, I always do. Im ugly. I stare at myself in the mirror. My hair laying on my shoulders, a crazy mess. My arms by my side, with faded scars on them, a few new ones. But my brother cant know about that. No one does.
I throw on some fresh clothes and force myself into the kitchen area of the tour bus. I must look pretty sad, sloping my shoulders and looking down, cause Michael comes up and gives me a hug. He leads me over to the table where I sit down with a sigh next to Luke. "Hey uh, how are you doing today? Michael said you didnt want to get out of bed today cause you were feeling depressed. Is that true?" He asks concerned. "Oh, Im fine." I say quietly without looking up. "Okay.. Are you hungry?" he asks. "No." I say simply. I didnt want to do anything at all.
"Are you coming with us today Brooke?" Ashton asks. "Yes. She is." Michael answers for me. "It will be good for her." he says looking me in the eye, while I sigh. "Well great! Its gonna be so much fun!" Ashton yells. He always seems to be giggling and yelling. How does he stay so happy and energetic all the time?
"Where are we going?" I ask after taking a deep breath. "Were just gonna walk around this little town that were passing by. To get out of this bus. Its gonna be so fun!" Calum explains to me. "Great.." I say, trying to sound excited. Luke puts his hand on me and I look up at him "Everything will be okay, Brooke. Were just gonna walk around and go a few places. It will be fun. I promise!" He said to me, smiling. "Yeah, ok I guess." I try to smile.
