His Salvation

Part Twenty Four

Aditya looked down at Zoya as she stood infront of him, her small hands grabbing his and resting them on the sides of her face "No, you couldn't kill with these hands, not these hands that are so soft" she pushed his hands into her cheeks with such force her gums began to hurt

"Zoya, I"

"And these arms" her fingers trailed down his arms "They are only meant to protect, to shelter and you protect me don't you" she nodded fast, her eyes wide "And then we have this" she rested her ear atop his chest

"Zoya, please" he closed his eyes, voice full of anguish, she had to stop, she had to see him now for who he really was

"You have a heart, I can hear it beating, that's what makes you my good man, my" she raised her hands to his cheeks "My good man, and you don't kill people do you, hmm, because you save me, you save people and you wouldn't kill anyone because that's not how it works, I don't always pick bad men, I can pick good men too and you love me, you love me and if you love me then you, then you would never kill someone because you know how I would feel, because if you've killed someone, then my good man doesn't exist and if" she pursed her lips trying not to cry "If my good man doesn't exist, then I don't know who I am anymore"

"Zoya" Aditya pulled her back so she was looking up at him "What I have done, I know isn't okay, but you have to listen to me, okay, what I have done, doesn't mean good men don't exist, I may not be one of them but I did it to protect the people I love, i'm so sorry you're one of them"

"You're sorry you love me, what did I"

"No" he said, alarmed "I mean, i'm sorry that my love includes this, you deserve love that is better than this, but I" Aditya let out a sound between a sigh and a growl "But I do love you, even though you deserve better, even though I know I shouldn't, even though i'm not worthy of love myself" he took her hands in his "And I will do anything you want, if you want me to hand myself in, I will, I just I couldn't bare it if you hated me Zoya, when I lost my Pa and Arjun, Ma and I we were in a rough place, every day I saw her with new bruises, slightly skinnier, the light within her slowly fading and I hated it, I tried to work but I was young, then I met Pooja, her father helped me train and I did small things, theft etc, but then I uh, I saw the people who killed my family and wanted revenge, so I got it, I killed every person who hurt those I loved, and for loving you, I am sorry, because my love is a curse, but I don't regret keeping you safe or Ma"

"You don't regret, you don't regret it at all" Zoya leant forward, slightly astounded, how could he not regret killing people? The thought of even doing so made her feel sick, yet here she was, holding onto every word a killer said because her heart refused to believe her good man could ever be bad.

Aditya shook his head "No, i'd do it again, when you're in that position, when you see everyone being taken away from you and you can't do anything, it changes you Zoya, I shouldn't beg you to stay, because I don't deserve it, you deserve better, I will never stop loving you or trying to keep you safe, Rakesh, Pooja's father, he was tough on me, cruel, it's no excuse, I know that, but I was raised where I had to do what I had to do to survive, I was stupid, I am stupid for ever trying to keep you with me, angels like you don't live among monsters like me, but" he took a shaky breath "You will always be my salvation, thank you, for uh" he sniffed, looking away "For staying for a while, for letting me love you, these moments, i'll never forget them, i'll live through them, just, know, you take my breath away Zoya Siddiqui"

Zoya looked down at her fingers, still entwined with his, just like she was, still entwined with him. "I feel so much right now" she whispered, to herself, not expecting him to hear

"Tell me what you feel Zoya, please" his eyes held longing, he just needed to hear it from her, then he could leave

"I" this was new, she had never felt this before "I'm angry, I feel so much hatred, god, I, it's suffocating"