Bus Stop ~ mgc

stay friends

A week today is a fucking week since I started this shit show with Navi. She doesn't even notice or maybe she does and she won't say anything. How ridiculous am I? Or how ridiculous is this? I can't go in today and I won't. I need to go out and just forget about this bullshit. I called Ashton as soon as the bus I was supposed to be on passed my window.

"Ashton, I'm not coming, missed the bus. see you...... sometime"

I hung up as fast as I could and that was it.

(Time lapse one week)

7 days I spent away from her, ignoring her and, no work. I dyed my hair red and got an eyebrow piercing. Some days I partied hard enough that I even forgot her name.

Here I am now on my couch, slouched and looking through Ashton's messages. He wasn't even mad because he overworked me but he needed me tomorrow and I'll be there, I don't know how exactly I face Navi but I gotta work. She texted me three times randomly in the 7 days and I left her on read.

Navi: hey are you okay?
Navi: hope you are, I'll see you sometime.
Navi: when is sometime?

I don't want her to want me to be okay, I want her to not give a fuck about me like we never met. My talking to myself got interrupted by knocks at my door, soft knocks. I got up and all I had on was grey joggers with no boxers and no shirt. I was smoking a blunt but I wasn't that high. I sat in down in the ashtray on my counter. I opened the door to meet the brown eyes of Navi.

"Michael, I was worried about you because you hadn't been getting on and you weren't texting back and I didn't wanna keep bugging and also wow you look different"

I chuckled because she was so out of breath and her eyes showed me she was serious and she cared.

"Navi, are you serious?"
"What? Of course I'm-"
"Why though? Why do I matter so much to you? You've known me for a week, one week!"

She scrunched her eyebrows at me and then, I seen her eyes flicker from mad and upset.

"So because I haven't known you for a bit longer you shouldn't matter to me? I shouldn't care that you aren't hurt or something, I'm supposed to not care?"
"No one else does so why would it matter?"
She scoffed at me
"I'm not everyone, I'm not the girls you have sex with and I'm not your party buddy who only cares when you can't remember the next day, okay? I am sure you know that"
I stood and looked at her a second before I stopped the asshole thing.
"I'm sorry but I just don't get it, is this about God? is this for experience or maybe a self experiment?"
"God Michael! No! Oh my god are you serious? Maybe just maybe I enjoyed your company and you peaked my interest but no, not Michael you just care about one night stands and not remembering the next day. I made the mistake twice over guys exactly like you! You were supposed to start off better but that's not the case!"

I wasn't angry at her because instead I was terrified. She was gonna walk away and never say another word to me. I stared at her, looking her up and down. She was in basically plain bedtime shorts and a tank top and high tops with socks. Her necklace hung right where it always does.

I know I shouldn't I know that it's not right. I wanted to though. Maybe even needed to. She was staring at me waiting for something to happen.

"Navi, kiss me"
"Excuse me?" She gave me a weird face
"Navi, I can't do it first"
"I didn't say I wanted to either what the-"
"Navi! Kiss me!"

She stepped forward and her small hands gently grabbed my face pulling me down to her lips. My hands went into fists as my mouth ghosted over hers. She pecked my lips and tried to pull away but it was too late because I put my hand in her hair and kept her right there. So soft, so good, everything I ever wanted. I wanted her more and more. She seemed to enjoy it also based on the way she leaned into me and her hand trailed up a bit into my hair.

I pulled back just to talk to her
"Come inside Navi I want you so bad don't you realize that"
She pulled back and the hand i had in her hair fell back to my side. I was breathing so heavy and I already missed her against me. She chewed on her lip while she looked at me.

"No, Michael I came to ask you if you were okay. That's why I came here and I can't do that with you because you aren't sure about anything, I can feel it. You can't do that Michael it confuses people, I gotta go" she turned after giving me a wave. I grabbed her hand pulling her back into me.

"One more please I just need one" she scanned me and I did the same.
"No, I'll see you tomorrow" she got out of my grip. Fuck, no no no no that didn't happen. I went in my apartment and slammed my door behind me and screamed

"God Damnit!"

I cursed and stomped and threw an actual fit. The first time I feel something real it's ripped from me. Fuck. I sat down and put my head in my hands.

She told me no, she stood her ground.

why can't I do it?

I groaned loudly because I knew I had to do something. Even if it was the most desperate attempt.

No, I don't pray! I'm not even religious, what the fuck am I doing?

I scolded myself as I put my hands together anyway.

I closed my eyes and spoke aloud asking someone, anyone to just listen.

"I don't know who is listening but hopefully it's God, you and I don't speak....... but God, please don't take her it's only been a week give me more time"

I didn't know how to pray. I forgot that part of my life years ago. I leaned into the couch and picked my phone up. I dialed her number and I waited for an answer.

"Yes Michael?"
"How'd you do it?"
"Do what?"
"Stand your ground and tell me no"
"I- it was just not the time for that and thinking about it...... Michael, I think it's best we stay friends, okay?"
"Yeah, okay"

I agreed but I didn't want to not one bit. I sighed as we casually ended the conversation. For fucks sake.