Bus Stop ~ mgc

being like this

Navi's POV

I was so confused. Michael confuses me. I know I like him, I know I do but I know that he's unsure, I could see it in his eyes since the very first day I spoke to him. I admit it, I didn't want to like him, I knew that he was clearly trouble.
God told me not to lie about your feelings, not even to yourself. So, I didn't but I prayed about Michael since our first encounter.
I stopped racking my brain as I got dressed and tried not to miss the feeling of his lips anymore. I put jogging pants with white and red bible study shirt and some black converse. I threw a red beanie over my curls and left. I wasn't looking forward to this today.

There he stood, the tall boy with now red hair and the new eyebrow piercing. He was lighting a cigarette and he ignored me even though he knew I was there. I stood a good distance from him and occupied myself by looking at my feet. No one else was here with us so it was more awkward.

"This is how we are gonna be now huh?"
His deep, Australian accent rang through my ears and I looked up meeting his green eyes.
"What do you mean?"
"Like this, like I didn't just have my tongue down your throat less then 24 hours ago?"
He was raising his voice and his cigarette was almost done from how long he was talking. I looked at his hand that held it and he noticed throwing it into the street. He sighed and whispered
"Forget it"
"What am I supposed to say to you?"
He chuckled loudly
"Navi, oh my fucking god. Look at me, do I look like the guy who does this bullshit? That asks for a girl to come inside after kissing her? Who has those feelings on a regular basis?"
I wanted to tell him not to say Gods name in vain but I refrained.
"I don't look at you and put a label on you Michael so I don't know unless you tell me"
"Well, I don't! The answer is no! When I kiss someone they follow me willingly inside! I don't have these feelings, never fucking have, never wanted to either! To everyone around here I'm their worst nightmare, the devil walking! But you, for fuck sake, you just had to come along huh? You had to fuck it up! I wanted to not remember you the next morning but I did and I kept remembering no matter how much I drank or who I fucked!"
I just looked at him because I didn't know what else I was supposed to do. I've never been blamed for making someone feel a way before. I certainly didn't mean to stumble into his life. I didn't want him to yell anymore.

"Please stop yelling at me. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel any sort of way towards me. I didn't mean to make myself feel that way either. I don't control those things and neither do you. I don't know what else to say to you, I thought that's what we agreed on? Staying friends?"

He closed his eyes and put his head back.

"I don't know, I'm fighting with myself because this isn't me. This isn't how my life goes. I just know that I've been fighting with myself but then you kissed me and it all stopped and I wanted to do it again and you said no and then, I tried to convince you to come inside so I could have you to myself and so the fighting in my head would stop but no again""
I was kind of taken back by his answer.
"I didn't want used for sex again and I'm sorry I said no but-"

The bus pulled up and Michael looked at me and I knew he was waiting for me to finish but I just wanted to get on. I got on before him and sat at the front and I know he hates the front of the bus, that's an assumption because he always sits in the back. To my surprise he took the seat behind me.

"I'm not gonna use you, Navi"

I closed my eyes and leaned against the seat. I just wanted to go to work, I didn't wanna think of Michael and this anymore or at least for a little. I stayed like that till he got off the bus and I leaned forward and put my head in my hands and sighed loudly.

When I got off, I was relieved to see my class waiting for me. This is my release from anything out there.

I was drawing a lamb with the oldest girl in my class, her name is Adelaide. She always asks me questions.