Naruto One-shots

In Which There is a Love Triangle

Summary: Kakashi can't take it anymore. It's about time that he put a stop to this. One-shot, sort-of-crack-fic.

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[Warning: every scene featuring Kakashi is ridiculous, and every scene without him is a romance angst-fest that progresses way too quickly. You have been warned.]

"Sakura, do you want to go out on a date with me?" Bright blue eyes gleamed in the sunlight, making his hair look bright and silky.

Sakura gave him a look and placed her hands on his hips. Her emerald eyes gazed through her cherry blossom hair. "No," she snapped, her soft hands balled into fists. "For the last time, Naruto, I don't want to go out with you."

She then promptly turned her longing gaze on her other teammate. "Sasuke..." she said, fiddling with the hem of her bright red skirt, "do you...want to go out with me?"

Sasuke didn't even glance at her, and she wilted, eyes lowering to the ground. She once again looked up, taking in his dark, dreamy eyes and pale, aristocratic features.

Then she followed his line of sight. She paused.

Naruto stared back at her, blinking like a lost puppy. "What are you staring at, Sakura?" Then his eyes flicked over to the Uchiha. Cerulean orbs narrowed. "What are you staring at, Sasuke?"

Sasuke gave him a small frown which just proved him to look more like a noble from the Capital than a ninja. His eyebrows knit and he turned away.

When Kakashi noticed the slight blush on his cheeks, he snapped.

"Okay," he said, clapping his hands. "Team meeting time! Everyone sit down! I want your full attention."

The three sat without complaint.

Kakashi studied them once again. The dead-last with eyes of the ocean and hair of the sun, the top kunoichi with a voice of silk and gaze of peace, and the rookie of the year with noble skin and swoon-worthy angst in his soul.

Yes, this was a disaster waiting to happen.

"Stop it," he said. "Just, stop it."

"...stop what?" Sakura asked.

"This...this thing you three have going! It's driving me nuts!"

"What thing?"

"What do you mean 'what thing'?! You," he pointed his finger accusingly at Naruto, "like her!" He pointed at Sakura. "She likes him," he then pointed at Sasuke, "who likes you!" The finger was back on Naruto.

Silence reigned over the clearing.

Finally, Naruto squeaked out, "What?"

Sakura stared at Kakashi in horror. Then she looked at Sasuke. Then Naruto. Then back to Sasuke. Then Naruto.

Sasuke's eye twitched.

"Kakashi," he said, his voice low, "are you insinuating that I'm in love with Naruto?"

Kakashi snorted. "Hell no. None of you love each other. It's all just childish crushes and hormones. Now, I understand that you can't control them, but it's getting on my nerves! Every time I try to teach you a jutsu, Naruto tries to impress Sakura, Sakura tries to get you to help her, and you try to impress Naruto!"

"I do not like Naruto."

"I'm your Jonin instructor, you can't hide this sort of thing from me. Now, choose."

There was a confused silence.

"Er...what do you mean, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto ventured.

"I said choose. I'm not dealing with your drama. Two of you get together and I'll comfort the other one with some mochi or something. Then I can stop living in this Hell and maybe we can get something done without something going horribly wrong because your goddamn hormones got in the way again and-"