Finding You

Chapter 14: Blue Rooms and Affordable Apartments

[Sent at 4:23 PM]: are you okay?

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[Received at 4:26 PM]: I'm sorry I wrote concerning tags...I had a bad day. I will be okay.

There was something Yoongi absolutely hated about the way she had phrased that and he quickly realised it was because it wasn't what he had hoped she would say. When he asked her if she was okay, he had let himself believe she might reply saying she was feeling better. However, this was something much less positive. She wasn't okay, but she didn't see herself as something that was worth burdening him with.

He retyped a sentence six times, rephrasing and then completely scrapping some of his ideas. He felt like he was trying to write lyrics that he wasn't quite happy with, constantly tweaking and trying to fix the lines he jotted down. Yoongi decided a simple approach was best.

[Sent at 4:27 PM]: you want to talk?

While waiting for her reply he went to google to check what time it was in the Eastern Standard time zone. While he was upfront with her about living in Seoul, she had been hesitant to say where she was from, only ever telling him her time zone was EST. He hadn't figured out if this was just a general thing for her or if maybe she just distrusted him. Whatever it was, he was sure that it was very late wherever she lived. In fact, it was almost three-thirty AM.

[Received at 4:28 PM]: Tbh there really isn't much to say. I was in a relationship for five years with this person I was crazy about and then they cheated on me and I found out it had been going on for a while. We recently broke up. It hurts.

He had gotten the gist of that from her tags, but seeing in confirmed more or less from her mouth made him slump a little against his headboard. He flicked his dark-brown eyes to the TV Jin was playing his game on, realising how little experience he had in this kind of situation and the lack of words he could share to try and help her. Yoongi let out a sigh as he typed the first thing that came to mind, thinking that maybe it wasn't the smartest thing to write.

[Sent at 4:30 PM]: sorry. it sounds like shit. i do not feel good too.

[Received at 4:31 PM]: I'm sorry August. It sucks we both had a bad day. :(

[Received at 4:31 PM]: Tbh I'm being a baby. They don't seem that bothered by the split, so I shouldn't be letting this shake me up as much as it is. Sometimes shit doesn't work out and I know that...idk.

Yoongi paused after he translated and he tried to think of what he could tell her. He tried to imagine being in her shoes, feeling like absolute shit and like he never mattered to someone who said yhat they loved him. He tried to imagine spending five years on a relationship and then having it end in such a shitty and abrupt way. Yoongi tried to picture what he would feel like and he quickly concluded that she cared too much about what people on the outside thought.

[Send at 4:35 PM]: its ok. you can be sad.

[Received at 4:36 PM]: I spend too much of my time crying. I don't want to be sad, I just want to get over it.

[Received at 4:36 PM]: People I know irl always talk about how tough I am; they always say I am the sturdy rock in all situations. I don't feel like it. If I am a rock, I'm riddled with fractures.

[Received at 4:36 PM]: I'm tired of feeling like I have no control. I am sick of missing someone who betrayed me and I don't want to feel pathetic anymore.