I know it's been a long while
I lost my mind throughout time
I've lost myself in the process
I'm not myself, somehow
I've lost who I really am
My depression has dragged me
Out of my safe place and into his
Dark world, I have moved
into the darkness
I scream for help but you can't hear
When he inpales me with his spear
Of hurtful words, poison in my veins
He lets happiness join us
Not every day, but most
She encourages me to keep a smile
Wether I fake it or not
But that's the problem, isn't it?
I've learned that the longer you pretend
The more it starts to feel real, genuine
Some days I can't tell
Am I smiling for me or them ?
Am I happy or hiding ?
Am I myself or is he in control ?
I don't know...
•
The thing is, it's not only depression
Who holds me hostage
It's also this longing for someone
I no longer miss but I do
It may not make sense to you or it may
If it does, I'm sorry
If you don't, I'll explain...
I no longer miss him but in a way
I can't get him off my tray
I don't mean that as if he's an object
He's not but that's how the longing is
It's an object that weighs me down
As if I'm paper and it's a rock
As if I'm a wall under a roof
As if I'm dirt under a shoe
I'm done with this because I can't think what else to say
So as for now, I bid you a good day
Or night
Or evening
