Eye of the storm - Lams fanfic

11

I ran straight to the living room. I ignored Lafayette and Hercules talking at me when I burst through the door. I saw Alexander curled up the sofa in a whimpering mess. It wasn't the time but I couldn't help thinking how he looked the same as how he did after they did it. I shook of the though quickly though.

I squatted beside him, my face close to his. He was crying and clinging his knees to his chest. I whispered "it's okay Alex. I'm here. The storm will be over soon. Just take deep breaths. It's going to be ok." I hold his hands and squeeze them. I put my forehead on his.

After about an hour I can tell he's started to calm down. We stayed in the exact same position the whole time and my legs were completely dead. I didn't care though. I wanted this moment to last. After another hour, Alexander had stopped crying completely. I pulled away gently.
"Do you want a hot chocolate?" I ask cautiously. He nods and I get up but a sharp pain pounding up my legs. I stood still for just a moment and then walked it off. 'Shit! The hell was that? It really hurts' I winced at the pain.

As I entered the front room, I saw Hercules and Lafayette sitting in the two chairs opposite the door, holding hands. They both stood up as they saw me limp through the door.
"Is he okay?" Lafayette asked, walking towards me.
"And what's up with your legs?" Hercules asked looking up and down me.
"I- what happened when I was out?" I said walking through to the kitchen.
"We heard the storm start up again and then we went to see if Alex was ok and if he needed anything and he was shaking and crying. We didn't know what to do! Then, after a while, you came home. I'm sorry we didn't know what was happening!" Lafayette said a bit frantically, following me to the kitchen. I flick on the kettle. "They are saying the storm is likely to last weeks. No one knows what's going to happen."
I make the hot chocolates just how he likes it and walk back to he living room. Lafayette and mulligan stay in the kitchen. I see them hug. Jealousy. That's all I felt.

Alex was already sat up hugging his knees close to his chest. He sniffles and holds the hot chocolate. He holds it tightly clearly trying to hurt himself. "Relax your hands. Don't hurt yourself." I touch his hands lightly. I sit down next to him. "If you want we can play some board games or card games tomorrow? I went into work today and they gave me time off so I can spend it with you." I smile, "that's where I was today. Sorry I was out quite a while." I tried to make lively conversation to lighten the spirits without talking about his.. attacks. Is that the right word? I didn't know how to explain them.

He would gather himself into a tight ball of limbs and shake and whimper and cry and no one could get through to him. Except me. I loved that it was only me who could comfort him when he needed me most. But there's always a voice in the back of my mind yelling. The voice says "John, you can't do this. Alexander doesn't need another lover right now! He needs a friend! A shoulder to cry on. You need to throw these feelings away, for now at least." I hated it, but the voice was right. And I was going to obey the voice. It wasn't the right decision for me but our relationship isn't about me. It's about Alexander. He needs serious help. But I know I can help him on my own.

After all, his predicament wasn't unlike something I'd gone through during childhood..

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