Epiphany - Namjoon au

-12-

September 12 : Wednesday

I was woken up at 1 in the morning by Namjoon calling my phone. I thought about ignoring it and going back to sleep but when he didn't hang up after a few rings I decided to pick up.

"Do you know what time it is?" I mumbled into the phone my face smushed into my pillow. I heard him laugh into the phone, calming my nerves slightly.

"I talked to Kook." He said and I stayed quiet waiting for him to continue. "I didn't tell him about tonight though."

"What'd you talk about." I was speaking in english now, far too tired to switch my mind over to Korean.

"Well," He sighed. "I apologized for being a dick. For lying to him and breaking our promise. He cried and forgave me. He's asleep in my room right now, I'm in the backyard and I just wanted to hear your voice."

"What did you lie to him about?" He didn't say anything and I could feel myself falling asleep from the silence.

"You. I told him I didn't have feelings for you and I promised that I wouldn't go after you." My heart dropped once he spoke. All my fears were coming to the surface again. I knew I shouldn't have kissed him again, I shouldn't have given him false hope. I knew I didn't break Jungkook's heart but I cracked it. I don't think it will be that easy with Namjoon.

"But you're still breaking that promise."

"Nanni this- What I feel for you isn't something I can just put aside." This was making everything worse. I couldn't do this. I wouldn't break Jungkook's heart and eventually Namjoon's when I had to leave.

"Maybe this isn't a good idea." He tried to interrupt me but I spoke over him. "If Jungkook ever found out he'd be broken. He'd hate me and he's my best friend Namjoon."

"Then we won't tell anyone."

"That's not the point Namjoon!" He isn't thinking logically and it's beginning to frustrate me. "I leave in January. This is pointless."

"No what's pointless is you coming here and then not allowing yourself to live. So what if you leave, we still have time Nanni." He sounded desperate and I wasn't sure who he was trying to persuade.

"I can't lie to Jungkook. He means too much to me."

"He'd want you to be happy."

"Namjoon. I will not be a homewrecker." I said loudly. I wasn't sure if he knew what that english term translated to. But when he sighed instead of asking I figured he did.

"We can keep this a secret. Please, I know you feel something. Let yourself be happy. If Jungkook finds out he'll learn to deal with it. He'll move on." I didn't answer him as I heard shuffling on the other side of the phone. "Go back to sleep love. I'll talk to you more tomorrow."

"Goodnight Namjoon." I heard a door close.

"Goodnight Nanni."

.

.

I was currently in Namjoon's bedroom waiting for him to get back from dropping Jungkook off at Jimin's house. School was nice for once. We all sat together at lunch, and we all acted like nothing happened. I liked that about the boys, they didn't always need explanations. Sometimes an apology was enough and they just let things go. I wish I could let things go. I hated it so much. Sitting with Jungkook's head in my lap while Namjoon stared at me with such loving eyes. It was killing me.

Even if I didn't want to, I held two boys hearts in my hands. I had the power to break them, and sadly no matter what I did right now someones heart is going to break. No matter what I do my heart will break with one of theirs and it terrifies me. It terrifies me because I know I like Namjoon, it's a hopeless type of crush. One where no matter what I do when I see him I feel happier. Thinking of him makes me soft and mushy and when he touches me, even in the slightest way, my body is shot with electricity. His smile entrances me and I can't help but get lost in his eyes.