An organised mess

I took a walk

Yesterday, 

the world was in the same mood as I, 

wetted, bitter and abandoned.

The world looked so empty, 

but I think that is because no amount of rain could fill my void. 

I wore a dazzling fluorescent yellow jumper, 

which step by step, 

got dampened until the moisture infiltrated my scarred skin, 

I looked so vivid among all the gloominess and tired rain, 

I should have wore black,

that would have been more fitting. 

As I walked, 

I was being antagonized by my own thoughts, 

I questioned all my wrongs, all of my rights 

I wandered how it was that for the first time I felt homeless, 

yet my feet were treading upon my home, 

the earth, 

I felt ungrateful, I felt unloved. 

As I walked battling with my own worst enemy, 

I saw a man and a woman in vivid colors like me, 

getting drowned by the rain, 

we crossed paths in an unused alley. 

They were shouting at each other. 

Ever since that night,

A noise the slightest too loud scared me, 

it made the hairs on my skin pierce through my cotton clothes, 

it took me back to the hotel room. 

My eyes sneakily looked behind, 

I could not just walk away,  

 He grabbed her arms firmly whilst shouting, 

she begged him to let go as her wet hair stuck to her pointed cheek-bones, 

I knew what I had to do. 

I carried on walking in the rain, 

I walked away and did not look back, 

and I guess that is the moment that I finally felt like I fitted-in, 

I have been put in my place enough times to know, 

to know that sometimes you cannot help anybody. 

I am still stuck in that hotel room, 

I haven't ever left since it happened, 

and I hoped that if I walked long enough, 

maybe I would walk away from the memory that has nested in my brain, 

that has laid eggs, and continues to spread itself all over me, 

I walked to the edge of the earth three times, 

and I still haven't helped the woman, 

I still haven't left the hotel room. 

The world was in the same mood as I.