Belong

~Three~

   I sighed after walking out of the Gallery room, George did okay, but he panicked, and I felt so bad for him. I knew what was going to happen, but I felt helpless to stop.

  They're going to call him 007 for the rest of his career.

    Cristina and George started to bicker about 007.

  Pagers started to go off. I quickly glanced at my pager, 911 for Katie.

  "Goddamn it," I sighed, I got off the hospital bed, and ran out to hallway that leads to Katie's room.

  "Took you long enough," Katie snapped at me while reading the magazine. Wait...goddamn it, I forgot about this part.

  "You're okay? The nurse paged me an emergency," I huffed indignantly.  Katie rolled her eyes, "I had to go all Exorcist to get her to even pick up the phone." I glared at her.

  "So you're saying that...there's nothing wrong with you?" I said in disbelief, might as well play along for the sake of my own.

  I can't know these things. Not yet.

  She shrugged, I huffed, "I'm not your cruise director, I'm a Doctor." And it felt real when I said I'm a Doctor. 

  I walked closer to her to put my stethoscope on, and listened to her breathing.

  She glanced at me with boredom expression on her face, "you don't have to wig out. The pageant's supposed to be on cable, but this crappy hospital doesn't get the channel. If that cow Kylie Wood is gonna walk off with my crown, I have to see it. Can you call someone?" She huffed in snobbish tone.

  I clenched my fists, trying to calm myself down before I strangle her neck, I glared at her, with all the frustration that I mustered from earlier, I spoke, "this. Is. An. Actual. Hospital! There are sick people here, and I don't have time for you and your pageant shit, go to sleep, and stop wasting my damn time!" I stormed out. She called out to me, "I can't sleep though, my head's all full." She complained, I snarled at her, "it's called thinking, go with it."

~-B-~

  I was standing by the desk, dealing with my patient's chart, and Alex Karev decided to pop my calmness bubble, knowing what will happen.

  He opened his mouth, "God, I hate nurses. I'm Alex. I'm with Jeremy, you're with the Nazi, right?" He looked at his watch, I abruptly turned my head towards him, my eyes flashed.

  "She may not have pneumonia, you know. She could be splinting, or you know...have a PE," I clenched my jaw after I said it. "Quit acting so stupid and self righteous." George (my best friend) would never know that I ripped many people today especially at my "work". He'd applaud me for ripping someone, but he's not here. I felt sad.

  He glared at me, "like I said, I hate nurses." He rolled his eyes.  I stiffened at the anger that brought out all of sudden, "What did you just say? Did you just call me a nurse?" I growled. I knew what he said, and it shouldn't bother me, cause I'm not a Doctor, but I was not in the mood.

  He mumbled something while walking by.

  Before I said anything, my pager beeped. I growled knowing what this is about.

  I ran down the hall, and went into Katie's room, and I wasn't prepared to see what I knew what was going on.  I stood there dumbfounded while she was convulsing.

I blinked.

  I yelled, "someone page Doctor Shepherd!" I ran, grilling nurses questions of what've they done so far.  Someone mumbled saying they did page Doctor Shepherd, "page him again! Damn it!" I growled at her, and she flinched. He came running in through the door, and helped me. Of course, he yelled at me for not monitoring Katie.  I huffed. 

  The whole scene was blur once I was in action of stopping her seizures.  Doctor Shepherd told me to go, and I left, running out to the hallway, and ran outside, and I felt all of the lunch that I had earlier, emptying out of my stomach.

  I heard a shuffle, and once I was done throwing up, I turned and I glared at Cristina, "don't ever mention this to anyone," I told her in threatening tone.

~-B-~

    I was sitting in the library with Cristina next to me flipping through articles to find what is the problem with Katie.

  "Well, she doesn't have anoxia, chronic renal failure or acidosis. It's not a tumor because her CT's clean." Cristina said, then glance at me, "are you seriously not going to tell me why you won't work with Shepherd?" She mumbled.

  I looked at her with frustration, "what about infection," I shrugged, she shook her head, "no," she mumbled. "Just tell me." She presses the topic.

  I sighed, "don't say anything, or make any face, okay? I slept with him."  She almost made a face, but stops when I glared at her.

  I sighed, "Katie's talent was Rhythmic gymnastics, she fell down when she twisted her ankle." I shrugged, "she has aneurysm, because she hit her head, so it caused a minor incident in her brain." I looked at her, tired, and ready to go back to my house...Meredith's house.

  Cristina looked at me with surprise, "...I think you might be right," she hesitated.

~-B-~

  After telling Doctor Shepherd about the case, he chose me over Cristina to scrub in the surgery, and I didn't want him to do that. I actually didn't want him to do that because I don't know a damn thing about medical stuff, I literally woke up being 26 instead of 17. Plus, Cristina wants it.

  I sighed when Cristina gave me a cold shoulder.

  After a stressful hour, I went in OR, and put the proper equipment on.

  "Alright, it's a beautiful night to save lives, let's have some fun." I smiled at Doctor Shepherd's enthusiasm once he came in.

~-B-~

  Once the surgery was over, I was sitting outside of the room, and Cristina came by.

  She sat next to me, she then sighed, "we don't have to do that thing where I say something, and then you say something, and then somebody cries, and there's like a moment..." I laughed, "it was a good surgery," she mumbled, and I smiled agreeing with her.

  She left after a short conversation, Doctor Shepherd came through the door.  I looked at him in dazed, he stood next to the desk, and took his scrub cap off.  "That was amazing," I mumbled.

  He smiled at me, looking tired.  I went on, "You practice on cadavers, you observe, and you think you know what you're going to feel like standing over that table, but...that was such a high."

  He sighed, and said "I should go do this," I commented back, "yeah, you should."

  He started to walk away, " I'll see you around." I smiled while looking at his back, "yeah, see you around..." I sighed, "see ya," I mumbled.

~-B-~

  I found a room where's the supplies at after a long ass day, I found a bucket and flipped it upside down and I sat on it.  It just hit me that I don't have anyone that I know, they don't even exist.  I felt the tears started to welled up in my tear ducts.  I wanted to go home, so badly. I want my own bed, I want to be around with people that I knew.  I want my 17 years old life back, I just want to go back.

  But...what if I never go back, what if I'm not able to go back to my life. What if I'm stuck with this life that I didn't know could happen.  I reluctantly thought about accepting things as they've been.

Then I felt the tears started to pour over my ducts, things became a blur, and I sighed knowing it'll take a while before it'd stop. Tears streaming down my face while I was wiping them away harshly. Salty smell lingered, I stared at the door knob, not wanting to go out there.

  I never felt so alone, till now, truly alone.