There are moments in life when you feel like crying out loud, hoping someone somewhere will hear your sorrow.
I am sensitive. I cry very easily. It is because I have compiled a lot of stuff and whenever I try to tell my other, it never works out. I end up telling them something else.
I feel over used, stressed, full. I feel like I will crack any moment.
I want to tell them that I hate the darkness I see everywhere. No one can pick me up from my troubles.
Just a simple 'Are you okay, I love you, you mean a lot to me, you can lean on me' can make me smile.
Right now, that curve on my face is fake. That's my daily job, smiling. No one bothers to understand or actually listen to me.
Why would anyone?
I am fighting my darkness alone, nothing to live for. No one can fight with me, no one will understand the amount of neglect I feel.
That's all I want.
To be loved.
And to love.
I love my family, I love my friends. I may not show it, but I love them with my whole heart. Even if I'm angry, even if they hurt me, I can never get rid of that love.
But who feels the same way about me? I want to be special to someone. If I can make anyone smile just a bit, if I can just make them feel happy even for a millisecond, it makes me feel good.
But no one can do that for me. No one will.
Who will understand me when I don't understand myself? My parents? Friends?
No one can or will understand me.
If I could change my truth I would,
If I could change my smile I would,
If I could change my life entirely I would, I would.
I really, really would.
~R~
