Big F**king Mood: A New Narrative

*

An overstretched hairband. The end piece of a loaf of bread. The disgusting bottle of juice sitting in my fridge. All of these things will do in a pinch when you're starving or dehydrated or running late. Otherwise, you don't really want them or even think about them. None of these things sound very important until you're in need of them. Once you're better, you'll go right back to ignoring their existence.

People can be like that too. Things you're conscious of yet never really pay much attention to. The odd man out in your group of friends. A go-to hang out buddy purely out of convenience. When you're sad and depressed, they're a good listener because they never really do anything more than joke about her own problems. They can share in your misery, perhaps even bond with you in their despair. However, once you feel better, they'll go back on the shelf with the overstretched hairbands.

They are useful, perhaps even wanted until...they aren't.

Desirable until they aren't.

People can also be an old toy, forgotten under the bed. A rarely played song on someone's playlist. Virtually invisible. It is something one can get used to, still, it takes its toll every once in a while. It's hiding in a corner for so long that one day you find yourself trapped there. The very locks you put in place to keep people are now keep you in, and somewhere along the way you lost the key.

The realization of this fact can present itself in a single thought.

No one needs me.

No one wants me.

You aren't smart enough pretty enough interesting enough.

It begets thoughts, questions really, if anyone would miss you if you were gone. Thus, the cycle continues, and a year's worth of work evaporates.

It's not going to get better, is it?

- I'm here