FOOLS [2; CHRIS EVANS]

I.

MINNIE
so

CHRIS
so

MINNIE
turns out we're having a baby

CHRIS
kskskskssksk

MINNIE
who'd have thought it

MINNIE
love that for us

CHRIS
WHAT

CHRIS
remember when we had that real life vs text conversations, conversation ?? this would be one of those times

MINNIE
but dude I only just found out rn this second myself

CHRIS
you did ??

CHRIS
I thought you were at a con today?

MINNIE
well yeah

MINNIE
but I was in my car on a break and I opened up twitter and TMZ were reporting it so, oof!

MINNIE
weird

CHRIS
wait

CHRIS
you've lost me now

MINNIE
I mean I, personally, had NO idea that I, personally, was pregnant

MINNIE
but if TMZ are reporting it, it must be true

MINNIE
I mean the congratulations are gonna be pouring in the second I set foot back inside which is, you know, lit

CHRIS
oh my god

CHRIS
my mom is going to kill me

MINNIE
rip :// I'm so glad you put concerns for yourself about those of the mother of your unborn/ non-existent child

CHRIS
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

CHRIS
should we —

CHRIS
should we call Frank and clear this up, or ??

MINNIE
sweet boy ily but since when have we ever solved anything like that

MINNIE
we've NEVER confirmed or denied a single thing officially

MINNIE
I mean technically we still haven't addressed rumours about our relationship so I don't see why now's the time for us to start acting like every other couple in our situation

CHRIS
I think making out on ellen's couch counts as making our relationship official, just a thought

MINNIE
TECHNICALLY I don't think so

MINNIE
TECHNICALLY we're still good pals from work who have admitted that they put up with each other for six months and then a year, then two years, we never stated in what way that was meant

CHRIS
you're impossible

MINNIE
but you love me in an entirely non-official relationship capacity anyway 👀

CHRIS
too right I do! 🤧💖💕💓💝💗💝💘💖💓💓💕💕

MINNIE
oh my god wait

MINNIE
Sebastian is going to FLIP when he finds out abt the rumours

MINNIE
I can't wait

MINNIE
maybe today will be the day that chrinnie finally kills him off for good!!

CHRIS
we're going to have to tell him it isn't real

MINNIE
ugh I know

MINNIE
but we can let him sit in suspense for a hot sec, right ??

CHRIS
idk it seems kinda cruel

MINNIE
well,, yeah ??

MINNIE
it's what he deserves if he's gonna believe bullshit rumours from TMZ though

CHRIS
I mean when you put it like that --

MINNIE
I bet you $10 tom cries real tears of joy

CHRIS
I bet you $10 that Frank is taking some real good deep breaths rn

MINNIE
how long do you think it'll be until he calls me

CHRIS
as soon as he stops cursing the day he ever took us on as clients

MINNIE
nice !!

MINNIE
I can't wAIT