FOOLS [2; CHRIS EVANS]

XIV.

( just a quick thing, potential spoilers for IW but like it's been long enough — right ?? )

MINNIE
okay I'm here to compare notes on scripts because I KNOW that not all of us have the real thing

SEBASTIAN
why would you even think that

ANTHONY
because she knows that SOME of us whose names start with t and end in m with an o in the middle can't be trusted

TOM
hey! that's MY name

TOM
besides it isn't just me !!!

TOM ADDED MARK TO THE CHAT

LIZZIE
holy shit there are two of them I'm not prepared for this

ROBERT
you can't prepare for it, only deal with the fallout ://

LIZZIE
well fuck!

MARK
hEY IM GLAD YOU ADDED ME BC I HAVE MUCH TO DISCUSS BECAUSE LIKE OOH bOY did evERYONE READ THE SCENE WHERE STEVE AND TONY KISSED KSKSKSK I DIDNT THINK THE RUSSOS WOULD GO THERE BUT THEY REALLY DID

MINNIE
while admittedly if there was any member of this cast I'd want chris to kiss other than me it WOULD be robert, I think you've fallen victim to a fake script, my dude — they don't have any scenes on set together

ROBERT
what did you even mean by that

CHRIS
anyone else got the same script as ruffalo because I think that one's out ??

ANTHONY
is the first scene natasha meeting at an undisclosed location with clint ??

MARK
yeah, that's the one

ANTHONY
fUCK — that's my script out of the running 😪

SEBASTIAN
tom, what's yours about ??

TOM
um like in detail or do you want the short version ??

MINNIE
how long would the long version be

TOM
I think I can narrow it down to like 5000 words if I try super hard

CHRIS
short version it is!

TOM
starts on the asgardian escape ship, spidey and his dad end up in space, the guardians and harlow end up picking up thor, uh — steve's on the run and bucky's in wakanda still — some other shit happens and then there are these two EPIC show downs with Thanos, one on earth & one on titan — it stops pretty abruptly after that, though

MINNIE
NO

MINNIE
I have that one too ://

MINNIE
can't believe the russos gave me a fake script, SNAKES

TOM
maybe ,,, maybe it isn't fake, though ??

MARK
idk your reputation does proceed you

TOM
LOOK WHO'S TALKING

MARK
)):

LIZZIE
shoot I have that one too

LIZZIE
can't believe they trust me as much as they trust spoiler king over there

TOM
why is everyone attacking mE

SEBASTIAN
you made your bed, kid, you gotta lay in it and they're just gonna tuck you in real tight, okay?

TOM
FINE then what did YOURS say

SEBASTIAN
that steve hands the shield over to bucky before the big battle goes down to try and trick thanos so that he can spring at the final moment and wipe him out

ANTHONY
BULLSHIT

ANTHONY
Sam has been by Steve's side DAY AND NIGHT on the run for TWO YEARS and he hands the shield over to BUCKY ?? the greasy boy has been taking a nap the whole time

ANTHONY
safe to say Seb's script is fake 🤪 — let's move ON

SEBASTIAN
hEY DON'T YOU COME IN HERE AND INSULT BUCKY LIKE THAT

ANTHONY
somebody's touchy ,,, is it perhaps because deep down in his little heart he knows his script isn't the real one

SEBASTIAN
don't be bitter boo, it doesn't suit you

ROBERT
hey would you look at that I have the same script as seb, who'd have thought it!

CHRIS
oh shit if they gave it to Robert then it's gotta be the real thing, right ??

ROBERT
awe Chris your kind words mean the world !!

CHRIS
nah I mean they can't go about lying to an old man like that, can they ?? it's morally wrong

ROBERT
oh it's gonna be like that, is it ?? — I see

CHRIS
OOF

MARK
one of us has GOTTA have the real thing

TOM
what if — and this is gonna sound a little crazy

MINNIE
oh god here we go

TOM
what if we all have parts of the real script but no one has the whole thing

MINNIE
nAh

MINNIE
hiddleston definitely has it, start to finish, not a lie in sight

SEBASTIAN
what tf makes you think that

MINNIE
dude's face was practically carved by baby angels, you try lying to that

CHRIS
AND MINE WASN'T ???

MINNIE
oh we both know you're no angel

CHRIS
babe we talked about this c'mon

TOM
mY INNOCENT EYES

MINNIE
nO —

MINNIE
not lIKE THAT

ROBERT
TOM IM SORRY YOU HAD TO WITNESS THIS

MINNIE
THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT

MARK
you added me to a chat just to make ME WITNESS FILTH ?? MARVEL I'M READY TO BUY MYSELF OUT OF MY CONTRACT

MINNIE
bECAUSE HE NEVER PUTS CLEAN FILTERS IN THE COFFEE MAKER THATS ALL I WAS ALLUDING TO JEEZ

SEBASTIAN
what kind of godforsaken euphemism is that

MINNIE
you know what I gIVE UP