Love Me Bitterly Loath Me Sweetly

Chapter 34 *Beautiful Mess*

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13th July, 2008

I finally got a day off. I was making a sumptuous breakfast of potatoes and French beans with my favorite red bean paste. I enjoyed the music, and one of the benefits of being friends with Candice-cha is that you'll end up dancing to any song, which has become my habit. I busied myself with small tasks; rearranging the towels, washing the dishes, and then putting out plates and glasses.

Rangiku-san occasionally calls and visits me once a week if Gin is too busy with captain duties. It's been almost two years since I shifted. The narrow, comfortable world of Sabitsura village has become my life. I chose this location with care because, as usual, there are many cases where hospital fees in the city are too high for middle-class people to afford. Gremmy-san gave me a book titled "How to Bake Your Dream Cake." It caught my attention. "Might as well give this a go today."

I tied my hair in a bun; my hair length was now at the end of my back. I opened the fridge to find that I had all the ingredients. I gave myself a pep talk while putting on an apron. I measured the ingredients and decorated the cake. Happy with myself, I put the cake into the oven so it could do its magic.

The book said it would take 35-45 minutes. Taking in the pleasant scent of cake that weft around my apartment, I lay on the sofa, putting the magazine over my face. Is it me or time is moving really, really slowly today?'

Ring. I was startled by my wake, Ringg! "What's this smell? I rubbed my eyes and looked at the clock on the wall. It was 3:50. "No." With understanding bulging out of my eyes, I ran toward the kitchen, "No, no, no..." I cuffed as the smoke hit my face, the burned smell seemingly reeking from the cake.

Ring!

I realized the bell had been ringing for a while. Nobody ever rang my doorbell, aside from Mr. Jonas in flat 10, when he needed me to check on his wife's health. I doubted he was there since I saw them at the hospital yesterday. And I certainly was not expecting any of my friends because they always make sure to text me before announcing their presence.

It kept ringing, shrill and insistent. I had no friends nearby. I hadn't worked out how you actually made them when you moved to a new area and you spent most of your uptight hours working. And if Uncle Gin decided to stage an intervention and bring me back to Seireithe, they would have organized it on the weekends, not on working days, since one was the captain and the other was a lieutenant.

I waited. I had lived here long enough to know not to open my door to strangers. In this area of town, it was not unusual to get the odd junkie ringing bells speculatively in the hope of cash, and if someone wanted to kidnap me, they would've done it in the dark, not in between the rush hours. And then there is Francisca's matter too. It rang again, jarring and endlessly, as if the person was now leaning against the doorbell.

I peered through the peephole. I could only make out his orange hair to his neck. I-is that, "kuro," I felt breathless and uncertain. I opened the door, my hand lifted to my mouth, and my head went blank.

Our eyes met. Of course, he couldn't be here.

I took in his clean shirt in the afternoon light. Although I thought he didn't have the time to do the buttons up, when my sight caught his bare chest, I immediately looked away.

It had to happen. Perhaps seeing him like this, having to meet him, would mean I could finally lay it to rest. Even as I thought this, I had no idea what to say to him. Would we engage in polite conversation? I was overwhelmed with raw emotions. Was he embarrassed about what had happened? Guilty? Had he fallen in love with someone else? I stared into his eyes, still beautiful and full of emotions, as if he, too, was overwhelmed, faced with the reality of seeing me. His hands reached out. I turned around and closed the door, resting against it. My heart was wild in my chest. If this is a dream, Kami-sama, then it's very cruel of you.