aTRACKion

Chapter Forty Five

"Do you know how much I love you?" Just inches from my lips, Doug is gazing into the blueness of my sated eyes, his breathing now levelling out.

After brief but thrilling sex in the kitchen, Doug now looks all heavy-lidded and docile. Stroking his unshaven jaw, I can only smile back at him. "Quite a lot?" I joke, now wanting to rake my one hand through his sexily rough-looking hair.

"I love you more and more every single second I am with you." Doug's mouth is merely brushing itself against mine, left to the right and right to the left, in the softest way he can. "Every single second I am inside of you, I love you more and more." He's now smiling, still delicately brushing his mouth slowly against mine. "How would you feel about handing in your notice at work?"

Totally surprised for Doug to just dump that into our post-coital conversation, my eyes flick right up to his. "Why?" I already know what Doug's plans are for himself and his music, we just haven't really discussed what my plans might be. I'm still just getting my head around the fact that I'm going to be a mum.

Doug decides to envelope me with one of his confident DiCarto embraces. "You've not had any time to cover that many shifts anyway, I'm just thinking that maybe it's time to jack it all in?"

He's right, I have literally only been able to do a few shifts here and there, since the release of Hear The Chant, but if I give up support work now, what will I do after the baby has been born? "I can't just hand in my notice, Doug. I need to have a job to return to once the baby is old enough for me to start working again."

A plan already seems to be working overtime in Doug's head, I can see it in his assuring gaze on me. "Frankie, all that I am, all that I'm involved in...you're now a part of." He smiles, wanting to quickly add more to why he thinks I should leave my job. "You're carrying our child, I honestly think that's one of the best jobs a woman can have." His embrace becomes stronger, like it will somehow make me listen more to all that he's thoughtfully now saying. "Once the baby is born, and when you're ready to do more, I'm sure you'll be able to do something within my business?"

Doubt sits so obviously in my eyes. "I don't know, Doug? I don't know whether I'd want to work for you?"

He now laughs. It's a short and affectionate little laugh. "You'll not be working for me, Frankie? You'll be working with me."

Still unsure, I cock my head in an unsure manner. "Doing what?" My eyebrows nearly meet in the middle, pulled in by my taut apprehension.

Now holding both of my arms, Doug bestows me with more of his DiCarto charm. "Well, you already hold my heart...maybe you could hold my records, too?" Is his teasing answer to everything.

Rolling my eyes, then tutting loudly, I smirk up at him. "I love you, but not enough to carry your records, right?" With humour dancing across my blue eyes, I smirk some more. "You'll have to come up with something better than that, mister!"

Again, Doug laughs. "Okay, I'll come up with something better than that, but going back to your current job, I really do think you should consider giving it up now?" To him, it must all seem so simple, but for me, it's anything but simple. That job has always supported me throughout the dry spells of singing. Sensing my hesitation, sensing that I'm thinking things all by myself, things that I'm just not sure I can share with him, Doug gently encourages me to open up. "Talk to me, Frankie? Something is bothering you, please just say what it is?"

Shifting where I now uncomfortably stand with my back against the kitchen worktop, my unpredictable gaze back at Doug starts to wander to the wall behind him. "I don't know whether I'm comfortable feeling like I am dependent on you, Doug?"

Inhaling deeply, Doug looks as though he understands. "Think of it more as being independent enough to do what you really want to do." His mouth curls into a small and perceptive smile.

I'm thinking. I'm allowing his words to gradually sink right in. As they trickle deeper into my thoughts, I begin to imagine what exactly I do want to do with my life. I don't think I have quite got past the whole motherhood bit, just yet. Seeing the flames of hope flickering somewhere in my eyes, Doug tenderly takes hold of both my shoulders. "What do you really want to do, Frankie?"

Without holding back, I blurt out all that's surfacing from my hopeful heart. "I want to be a good mum...and to sing more."

Knowingly, Doug nods and smiles. "You will have that, Frankie. I am giving you the freedom of motherhood and the freedom of many professional opportunities." He moves in to kiss me, a sweet and brief little kiss. "Our lives are changing. Our lives are changing for the better, Frankie." Resting his head against mine, he then inhales softly. "I love you. You make me happy, so I'll do my damnedest to make you happy too. I am fully committed to us and fully committed to being a good dad." Although our heads are touching, he's needing to see right into the depths of my eyes, he's needing to say something important. "There will always be a part of me that will feel like I had let my mum down, I don't ever want to feel that way about you and our baby."

Both of my hands hold his face within them, palms so full of his masculine cheeks. "You never let your mum down, Doug. Just like I know you'll never let me and our baby down...I know that."

Bringing his lips in for yet another kiss, his mouth presses onto mine with the beginning of a smile. "Just let me love and take care of you?"

Doug isn't asking me to give up my job because he is wanting to control who I am and what I do, he is asking me to give up my job because he wants me to be free of the constraints of my employment. He wants me to spread my wings. He wants me to evolve. He wants me to try new things. To live a new and better life. Doug isn't trying to take away any of my independence, he is simply wanting to nourish it.

That is when it all becomes so clear in my mind.

Doug, he is my new life.

And together, we shall begin filling all of that new life.

**The video above is: LOVE IS ON OUR SIDE - CAPITAL KINGS