aTRACKion

Chapter Thirty Six

Inhaling deep, shaky breaths, I honestly don't know how I am going to do this. The stage is dark, just like my fear. I can feel it, feel it being sweated through my petrified pores. Behind me, is Doug; waiting to begin the captivating orchestral intro to Hear The Chant. In front of me, are the buzzing yet quietened crowd; unified with their appreciation of the amazing set that Doug had just spectacularly given to them. Now, they are waiting for the final track that is to explosively call time on Doug's residency here at Revival.

The stage is blanketed in atmospheric darkness and silence.

The crowds anticipation is palpable.

Electric.

The silence is only broken by impatient cheers, whoops and whistles from the eager and energised clubbers, begging for the music to start satisfying their partying souls.

All of the practise and the perfecting of this song, has been for this moment. This suffocating moment.

I know this song, I know it like I know my own face, I know it like a dear friend. For weeks now, I have lived and breathed it—only now it feels like an enemy, an enemy that will destroy me.

As the crowd grow electrifyingly more restless, my panic is swelling inside of me. I know that I am now a very different Frankie Fenner from the one who emotionally got slaughtered on the stage all those years before, but that feeling has always still haunted me.

The jeers, The titters, the online savagery—it has always remained with me.

Inhaling hard through my nostrils, I close my eyes from where I stand on the darkened stage. I know I must push my fear back down my nauseated throat. I must confine my panic that is causing carnage inside of me.

I know this track.

I know I can sing this track.

It's just whether my stage fright knows any of that.

I feel so unbearably sick.

So unbearably fuzzy-headed.

It's like I am invisibly disintegrating where I stand within the shadows of the unlit stage.

From the neck down, my body is tense and rigid.

I know I am shaking, I just can't stop any of the shaking. I seem to have zero control over any of my terrified tremors. So powerful is my panic, I feel like I am beginning to step out of my body from an unseen exit. I know I am here on this stage, and yet, I feel like I'm not really here at all. Disoriented and numbly detached, I somehow find the strength to look behind me.

There, I see Doug.

I am anything but calm, yet the proud presence of him is.

Holding up his right hand, he's signalling to me the beginning of his five second countdown, but before he starts, he exaggeratedly mouths across to me. "I. Love. You." Then curling his thumb, he is telling me that he's now more than ready to unveil both Hear The Chant and Frankie Fenner to the world.

Five!

Four!

Three!

Two!

One!

The heart-stopping symphony echoes around the entire club, causing the clubbers to scream loudly with such insatiable excitement.

As it fades out, the spotlight on me begins to increase.

I am frightened, but the voice inside my head isn't. The time is now, Frankie...just sing! Sing for yourself and sing for Doug!