aTRACKion

Chapter Thirty Nine

It's funny the things that you notice when you're flat on your back, knees bent up and legs wide open.

With nerves running riot within me, I am staring up at the ceiling of the brightly lit consultation room. Trying to keep my nerves at bay, I am studying every grid tile I can see, wondering how they manage to stay so clean all the way up there.

"So your current period ended a few days ago, yes?" I nod, agreeing with the softly spoken nurse. "And you've taken some painkillers this morning?" Her head lowers with a caring smile. Again, I nod. "It just takes the edge off having the IUD being fitted, that's all." She confidently tells me. "Have you ever had a coil before?" The nurse then asks, looking rather serious at me.

Nervously swallowing, I shake my head. "No." Is my very anxious reply. In the past, I have tried a couple of contraceptive pills alongside using condoms, but they always gave me constant headaches and recurring bouts of nausea, which is why I thought I would try the copper coil this time. I have been told that it can be an 'uncomfortable' procedure to have, but it's a procedure that is going to take up only 15 minutes of my life...surely even I can handle that, right?

"Okay, I'm just going to pop this over you." She's carefully now placing a large paper towel over my lower stomach and my groin area. Then she moves the long arm of the exam light into an undignified position on my Lady La La, before thoroughly washing her hands and quickly gloving up. "Just relax and take a few deep breaths in, while I gently insert the speculum...I just need to examine your cervix before fitting the IUD." She kindly explains.

Okay, she's being very nice, and being very gentle, but I really wish that Doug was here and not out in the waiting room. I'm so crap with pain, I really am. My pain threshold is pathetically low.

With my fists clenching up into tight little balls of anxiety, I stupidly start counting the ceiling tiles high above me.

One...two...three...four......

I can't really say how long the nurse has been acquainting herself with my cervix, but I've already counted twenty three clean ceiling tiles.

"You say your last period finished a few days ago, right?" The kind nurse is soon interrupting my mundane tile counting.

"Mhmm." Is my quiet response, wanting her to just get on and put the IUD in where it needs to be.

"Was that period any different than normal?" She asks, lifting her head higher and peeping over the top of the paper towel.

"I suppose it was much lighter than usual." Still, my response is very quiet.

"And you don't think that you could be pregnant?"

Woah?!
What?!

Pregnant?!

Is that really what she just said?!

My thoughts are literally now scrambling over one another with utter confusion inside of my head. "No...I...I can't be." Stammering and struck with palpitating panic, I just don't know what to say. Doug and I have always used protection. I feel absolutely fine. No different than usual. Okay, maybe a little tired on occasion, but a lot has been going on just lately, hasn't it?

Whipping off her gloves with a comforting smile, the nurse pushes back the exam light, then removes the paper towel from off my lower body. "I'd like you to provide me with a quick urine sample. I think we need to check that you're not pregnant." Noticing how completely in shock I now am, the nurse is smiling again at me. "Your cervix felt very soft and looked different in colour...I think it's best that we check that you're not pregnant." Helping me to sit up on the examination table, she continues to try to keep me calm. "Get dressed and I'll just grab a sample pot." Giving me some privacy, she pulls the curtain across.