If Only

C H A P T E R 12

PUT A RING ON IT

MIRANDA

"Hey, you ok?" Allison tapped on the counter loudly, "you haven't been acting like yourself."

I did my best to forget what happened and act normal but I was failing. Playing with the chain around my neck, I smiled at her and said, "I'm ok."

"You don't look ok, Miranda," she pointed at my face, "those dark circles under your eyes are telling a different story."

"I just haven't been getting some sleep lately," I did everything to avoid Raven whenever she was home.

"Problem?" Allison's concern lifted my spirit, "you can tell me anything and if there's something I could help you with, tell me."

"Thanks, Ally." I gave her hand a squeeze. "I'll be fine." I continued with my work. Taking orders, serving it and clearing tables, I wanted to keep busy.

These past few days Raven was rarely home but even then I never ventured up on the loft after I have taken my things down. With or without her on that bed, I didn't think I'd want to go back up there just yet. Sleeping on the couch was uncomfortable but I would rather suffer back pains and a stiff neck.

Not a decent night's sleep was enjoyed by me just to make sure a repeat couldn't happen. I was being careless again by allowing myself to swept in the waves of emotions Raven was bringing in.

She's trying to get back at me and I need to remember that.

The old Raven might have liked me before but the one I married felt nothing for me.

I kept seeing flashes of what happened that night. I didn't know what to make of things. Everything was starting to get way out of control.

Still, I regretted nothing. As I told her, I'd do what has to be done and would do the same again if left at the crossroads and in-between choices.

'So there goes your answer.'

I was being punished.

* * *

Allison said, "let's dance!"

I shook my head no so Ally and her friends, Rebecca and Stacy, stood to go leaving me and Nora at our table.

"Don't feel like dancing?" Nora asked.

"After these," referring to the empty bottles on the table, "I won't do much dancing without toppling over."

Right after our shift, Ally asked me to come to a well-known bar to meet her friends and her roommate–three other girls who were working while taking college courses. They go bar hopping once in a while to reconnect and unwind. And so, I, having nothing better to do, have decided to join them.

The bar was gay-friendly. One of the reasons for the continuing patronage; they didn't discriminate. Its customers knew the rules and anyone who broke them and started a fight would be kicked out and banned from the bar.

I was not expecting to enjoy but bottles of beer and shots I have consumed like a sailor made sure I did. They were all talking and joking but I was just glad to pull my problems at the back of head. Taking turns on dancing and ordering drinks, I couldn't remember having fun like this since college.

I did not dance and chose to stay and drink with Nora. A whole new bucket of beer was delivered to our table. The waiter told us that it was from a couple of men seated next to us. The three of them waved at us but I turned away.