If Only

C H A P T E R 27

SHARE AND TRUST

MIRANDA

Naked and embarrassed for what I allowed to happen last night, I woke up alone on Raven's bed. There was no sign of her in the room. She must have left for work. I checked the time and found that it was past nine in the morning.

Just like the last time, days passed before we properly talked. During which, I slept in my own room again.

Moreover, Raven was feeling nauseated and starting vomiting like weeks before. It was not as bad as the first month but she was highly sensitive to the smell of garlic and coffee. The reason why I always made sure that no one cooked using garlic and that I take a bath after I got home from work. The aroma of coffee stuck on me needed to be removed.

Raven has changed a lot. She was spending more time with Ai too. She was either running around with her or playing with her puppy. She kept on kissing Ai's cheeks and brushing her hair.

Sometimes, she would just grab me and pull me to a corner for a few kisses. Like she wanted me so bad and she was finally allowing herself to have me. Then, she would then disappear in the evening and return home drunk on some nights. I didn't know what to make of it.

In my second hour at work, I noticed that Allison was looking at me with an odd expression on her face. She looked guilty, almost apologetic. When we clocked out for the night, I approached her and asked her what the problem was.

"Promise that you won't be angry and you would let me finish telling you everything before you react." She was so hesitant to speak without securing my word.

"Promise," I held a hand up.

"My friends and I have spotted Raven in different bars with different women. I could tell you that their interactions were suggesting..." She stopped, unable to continue. "Are you still together? Cause the Raven we saw there was not acting like she's married. She was playing the field."

Bars. That's where she was the nights she came home barely coherent and drunk.

"Oh my... you're still together and you didn't know!" Allison exclaimed. "I'm sorry to be the one to tell you about it. She has you! Why would she want anyone else?"

I don't know how to react to that.

"Take me there?" It's like I'm asking for more pain.

We went to a bar where Allison last saw Raven then sat in one of the tables facing the entrance. I was starting to doubt my reason for even coming to catch Raven in the act.

Nothing would change even if I knew, I still won't be able to leave her and she won't let me. So instead of the entrapment operation, I told Allison to call her friends up for an impromptu night out.

Hours in, I started to enjoy without alcohol intake. I didn't feel like drinking after witnessing Raven's drunken state for days now.

I was stumped when Allison sat beside me and whispered something about Raven being in here. "There she is. Two rows in front of us."

As a child, I was in the orphanage for most of it and then passed along to different homes. Sharing was a concept I have learned well. But somehow, this made me feel so small.

Share.

A woman sat on her lap and was kissing her cheek then sucking on her neck while she was drinking, clearly enjoying. I stood up and started walking towards them.

She kissed me with those lips this morning. I wanted to puke and scratch my lips off.

She touched me with those hands. I felt so dirty all over.

Sharing her with other women, I wanted to gag.

"Miranda, I think it's not a good idea to confront her here," Allison told me.

"Don't worry," I said. "I won't make a scene."

Aaron saw me before Raven did. I never liked him then and I sure as hell not liking him acting as Raven's wingman. He kept poking his friend to get her attention but she swatted his hand and kissed the woman on the lips.

Well, fuck. If I ever allow those lips to touch me again, I'd really have lost all sense of self-worth and decorum.

Aaron stomped on her foot. This finally got her attention and she turned to glare at him. Aaron was pointing a finger at me which she followed to know I was here. Raven quickly stood and the woman on her lap caught unprepared, landed on her butt with a thump on the floor.

"Miranda..." She rushed to me as if wanting to explain but no words came out of her mouth.

"You're going to have a lot of explaining to do when I tell Harriette about this." I ignored her but addressed Aaron who stood ramrod straight. "You really are friends."

Without waiting for either of them, I went back to our table and told everyone I was leaving. Grabbing a few bills from my wallet, I put it on the table and told them I'm paying.

"I'm so sorry, Miranda." Allison was feeling guilt over this. She shouldn't she was not the one who cheated on me.

"You did the right thing by telling me. Thank you." I hugged her goodbye and left.

When I got out of the club, Raven's car was in front. She opened the door and waited for me to enter the car. I entered her car and she sat beside me as Aaron drove us home.

* * *

The ride was quiet. I could feel Raven fidgeting and Aaron kept stealing glances at me over the rearview mirror. Uncomfortable and my abdomen cramping, I don't want to waste my time arguing with either of them.

"Wow, it's unusual for the three of you to return home together." Harriette greeted us. "Ai's sleeping."

I kissed Harriette's cheek. "Did she look for me? I was supposed to be reading her a bedtime story."

"She did. But she was tired from all the playing and fell asleep anyway." She said.

"I'll go take a peek." I excused myself without glancing to Aaron and Raven. I knew Aaron was relaxed that I was retiring to bed without telling on him.

I was about to climb the stairs when a call from John came in. "Hey, what's –" The words he said were my nightmare brought to life. "No! That can't be! He shouldn't be out!" I screamed then rushed to the living room and turned the television on.

The news flashed about Stouffer being out on bail on the grounds of a mistrial. "Mr. Stouffer's attorney filed it earlier today on the grounds that his client was tried using numerous fabricated evidence." The reporter said. "Mr. Stouffer was...."

Ending the call, I droned out the rest of the report. I could not believe my ears. "You said you'd bury the pieces of evidence if I did as you asked..." The pain in my abdomen was reaching my back.

I turned and found Raven standing there and intently watching the news. "You lied! I did everything you wanted but you didn't hold your end!"

"It was not me who leaked that information to Stouffer's attorney." She denied. "I didn't! I said wouldn't. I promise you that."

More lies!

Aaron and Harriette stood there rooted to the floor as I slapped and hit Raven on her chest repeatedly. "How dare you lie to my face when the truth of it was already exposed? I trusted you!"

My phone rang, this time, Ruen's face flashed on the lighted screen. Holding the tears in, I ignored the call. I failed her again.

What do I tell her?

"Miranda... you're working yourself up too much over this. Would you..." She had the gall to ask me to calm down.

Full of rage, I turned to face her. "You were so blinded by your revenge that refused to see the bigger picture!"

Pointing to the video of a smiling Stouffer being escorted out of prison, I then stabbed the same finger at her chest. "You just helped the vilest serial rapist escape prison!"

I saw that she was taken aback by the anger I was displaying but I don't care. She betrayed me. I put my life on the line for this. I risked everything. But she betrayed me.