If Only

C H A P T E R 24

BREAKING VOWS

RAVEN

I couldn't understand my body. Somedays I'd be tired then somedays I'd be full of energy but then, I shut down all at once. One minute I was happy then next as irritable as a woman experiencing menopausal symptoms.

I've still got ways to go before that.

Thinking I may be bipolar, I have made an appointment with a doctor for the mind to deal with any lingering issues I might have; my uncle's betrayal, Evelyn, my brother and then Miranda.

I struggled with it every day.

With a new investor in, my workload has been starting to ease up. But I didn't know if I should be thankful or not. The more free-time I have the more I have been craving for food. In the past weeks I have managed to gain more weight. I wasn't obese but I just found it unusual, my gigantic appetite that is.

Food cravings were no biggie. It's the other craving that has gotten me so wound up. I have not only been craving for food.

I craved for Miranda too!

Fuck.

Yes, I'm in need of it. Desperate!

Not only have I turned into a glutton, I have been turned into a terribly horny creature too. But my pride would not let me seek her out. No matter how much I wanted to.

I barely restrained myself from dragging her into my room after that goodnight kiss outside Ai's door.

Shit! I want her.

Limbs wrapped around my body and writhing in pleasure under me, kissing her and nipping at her sensitive flesh–feeling her and filling her; I want her undone and craving for me too.

I need her to want me as much as she needed to take her next breath.

Not too eager to go home early, I instructed my driver to drive me around town. If some place caught my fancy–food or anything, I might have a way to deal with the increasing cravings.

Then I won't burn for Miranda anymore.

That's it. I needed to let loose for a while.

I entered a pub and tried to enjoy myself. It has been so long since I had entered one with the prospect of getting some. My body was thrumming and tingling in anticipation.

I surveyed the crowd but did not dive in yet. Lingering at the bar, I bid my time and took the chance to gas up on liquid courage.

Less than ten minutes in and downing at least two drinks, I was no longer solo. A curvaceous blonde woman in tight fitted dress approached me. Her intent was visible not only in her eyes but also in the sway of her hips.

"You waiting for somebody, handsome?" She asked as she undressed me with her eyes and her fingers landing on my hands by the bar.

"You're already here," I said licking my lips. She's the first fish on the hook. Good start.

She read the signals well and stepped close. "So..." she played with my tie and ran a hand over my lips, "what are you waiting for?"

"Tell me how you want it," I grabbed her ass and hauled her to me. I nearly groaned at the feel of a soft breast against mine.

Fuck. I needed a good fuck.

She pulled me by my tie and brought me to the dark corner. Before she could speak, I pushed her back to the wall and crushed my lips to hers.

She was moaning and dry humping herself on my leg while we kissed. Her voice was breathy but seductive, "Fuck, yeah. That's it sugar."

I pressed harder on her and groped her breast. The woman was not wearing anything under her dress that I could feel her nipples hardening against my palms.

This was basic. No love just pure and driven lust. I needed someone to vent my sexual frustrations on. This oversexed and pliant vixen was the perfect outlet.

"Tell me how you'd want it." I told her as I sucked on her neck. "How you'd like to be fucked."

She shivered at the words and grinded her crotch harder against my now moist pant leg; her arousal was evidently sticking on my suit. "I'd want you to take me hard and fast, sugar. Are you packed?"

She was asking if I was wearing a strap on. I have never used one. "No."

"Too bad... if you were, I'd had no objections on you taking me right here." She moaned as I bit on her neck and then licked it.

I pinched her nipples and position my legs for a better angle. "So hot..."

"Fuck yes... Such a pity..." She opened her legs wider hoping I'd use my fingers on her down there.

I gave in to the temptations and got lost in the moment. Drink after drink. Kissing and necking. Humping on the dance floor and more fondling.

Three dances and then we're back on the corner humping like rabbits. The woman was as insatiable as I was.

There was no room for gentleness in our interaction. It was fast, rough and hard. I found a great way to sate the hunger and I was ready and aching for more.

This went on for the next nights. Right after work, I came to clubs and enjoyed myself. I needed it. At least I think I do.

I tried to hook up with other women. It was fun and less complicated than the one I had. The thrill was cheap but it'll have to do. Beggars can't be choosers.

Though I enjoyed the night, I never allowed myself to come into the women's houses for sex. Somehow, I couldn't bring myself to take that. I was content with the groping, humping and kissing. I never really actually fucked any of them.

When I was about to, I close my eyes and see haunting brown eyes. They were sad and accusing. Then the urge to have sex with other women would dissipate.

Shit!

It's not cheating if we're not really married right?