If Only

C H A P T E R 19

SHADOWS

RAVEN

I could piece out what happened in the past few years. Not really. I could only assume–interpolate about the missing pieces.

Still, how accurate can it be?

Later that evening I came to visit my brother and told him that I remembered things now. Not everything but, little by little, things were starting to make sense.

And it's confusing as its enlightening.

"Vin, I'm... I don't know what to do..." His hands were unmoving though they were warm. "Can you wake up? Tell me how to do this."

The machines were all that I'm hearing right now.

"What I needed is to hear your voice. You, I need you"

"I'm still that whiny kid, Vin. I think I'll always be. I'm selfish, easily scared, lost... I think I have a knack for getting lost and losing track. That's why I'll always need my big brother to guide me."

With Evelyn gone and with the truth of she did, I don't know if you'd want to know all that.

"This is me being selfish and begging you to come back. Even when I know that when you do, it'll only break your heart to know your love's gone."

You have so much love to give, Vin. That's how I know the pain is going to hurt twice, thrice or a thousand times more.

"It'll hurt just like it did when they left us alone. You might not want to live through it. But just like then, will you live? For me?"

There's someone else waiting for you.

"For Ai, she needs you, Vin. Don't let her grow up like us. Your daughter needs you."

I got out of my brother's room and got ready to leave when I saw Ai playing by herself. A happy, normal childhood filled with love I know that's what my brother would have wanted for her.

Why is it so hard to come by?

Was it too much to ask?

"Poor kid, her biological parent gone, who's going to keep her safe once Ms. Raven finds she's not her brother's child."

"Mind that mouth of yours!"

They were attendants standing behind the slightly open door. They were not aware I was standing behind them and could clearly hear what they were saying.

"If anyone hears you, you'll be the one who will need saving."

"What? It's true. That was the reason the sir and madam have been arguing for weeks before the unfortunate accident happened."

True?

They were fighting about it?

"You can't be sure of–"

"Shut up you two!" It was Harriette glaring at them. "Get out of here!"

"Ma'am..."

"Out!"

They opened the door and found me standing there. The two adult helpers couldn't run away fast enough.

"Raven!" Harriette came to me and caught me before I ran off and chase after them, "Don't you dare believe those careless words!"

"It would be impossible not to."

I saw Evelyn with another man. What guarantee is there to prove otherwise?

"Rave... she's your niece."

"Forgive me if I find that hard to believe after everything."

"Hey, what is happening here?" Aaron arrived and with him the puppy I have purchased for Ai. It brightened her day for however short that was.

"She thinks Ai is not her brother's."

"What?" He put the dog down and closed the door before checking that the little girl was oblivious and still playing. "That is ludicrous, Rave. Scrap that thought. Why would you?"

"It's that easy to when you've seen what I've seen."

"Rave, Ai needs you more than ever. You're all she has. You were there when she was born. You might not remember–"

"I remember that day perfectly–beautiful day for a celebration. Ai was the best thing that ever happened to Galvin... She brought so much joy the first time we heard her cry..."

"You remember that?"

"That and the night I found her mother lip-locked with another man. Evelyn, like a wanton bitch in heat, can't seem to get close enough to that bastard."

"Rave..." So, Aaron knew about that. There's that unmistakable look of that shameful knowledge, "Your memories? You regained everything?"

"Enough to acknowledge the shadows surrounding Ai's birth..."

"I damn well don't know what that brain remembers, Raven." Harriette took her husband's spot and stood in front of me holding her ground. "All I know is and I am sure of – that kid is a hundred percent a Deschanel like you."

"I hope that she is!" I love that child. The peals of laughter through this empty house were chasing the ghouls away. I don't want to lose that.

My brother has lost enough.

"Search your heart, Rave. You know what I'm saying is true. You're blinded, confused - overwhelmed by all this!" She took my hand and gripped them hard. "Stop functioning with all that rage and start using your heart. A lit-"

"You see the best in people, Harriette. That's on you." I pulled my hands away, "My brother did and look where it got him. His heart is barely beating while he laid on that bed."

"He–"

"I'm praying to be wrong on this. You don't know how badly I wanted to be wrong about this." I took a step and pinned Aaron and his wife with a look of desperation, "Cause when he wakes, I don't want–whatever is left of his battered heartbreaking."

* * *

I am not roadworthy at the moment so I let a driver send me back. The length of travel was longer than it usually took. Maybe because I am wallowing in the dimension of endless suffering, it dragged the time.

"You can go home. I won't need your services tonight." The driver gave me my keys as I handed him a bill to pay for his ride back.

I rode the elevator from the underground parking lot in a daze. Minutes later, the doors opened to reveal a man and a woman. It was like a recurring nightmare. It won't go away. I put a hand on the door to stop it from closing.

In the shock, I was transported to my brother's study reliving that awful night. I could now clearly see the face of the man Evelyn was kissing.

You don't expect betrayal to come from strangers. It comes from the people closest to you... friends and often times, from family.

"Uncle Alfred..."

The woman?

The only difference this time, it was not Evelyn.

"Miranda."