If Only

E P I L O G U E

RAVEN

"You'll be, ugh... serving me... forever..." Beads of sweat were forming on her forehead. Her hand gripped mine as she screamed when the contractions hit. "Arghh... argh... Raven!"

"Get the doctor, now! Please!" Wiping them off, I have never felt more afraid as the time passed. We've been here for nine hours but no doctor appeared yet. The nurse checked Miranda again and proceeded to call for the doctor.

"Arrgghhh..."

A strong one made Miranda's eyes fill with tears. Her breathing was quick and labored. I urged her to do the breathing technique with me.

"You're... never allowed... to leave me!"

I kissed her forehead and her cheek, "Yes! I'll be waiting on you for the rest of our lives."

Tears started falling as the doctor came in and told us to get ready to meet our boy. She coaxed Miranda to start pushing.

"You'll never have to go through this again, babe. I'm so sorry." She pushed harder and pulled me closer to her.

"But I... I want another baby!" She yelled. Yet to have the first baby out and here she was screaming that she wanted a second.

"I could see the head." The doctor said. "Strong long push, Mrs. Deschanel."

She was tired and aching from the hours of labor. The strain and pain evident on her face, Miranda gave her best to get the baby out.

The cries of our baby filled the room and Miranda and I cried as well. No words could describe the emotions bubbling up to the surface. Kissing her lips, I whispered, "You are so brave."

She smiled against my lips. "I want another baby and maybe a little girl next time." The nurse brought the clean and swaddled Toby to us. Though drained, Miranda was smiling from ear to ear. "I want another one."

I can't watch her go through that again. "Miranda..." She cooed at little Toby and pinned me with her misty eyes. I can never win against that. I wrapped my wife and son in my arms then the kissed the top of Miranda's head. "We will but on one condition, I'm carrying next time."

Turning her face up to me, she gave me a peck on the lips. My arm supporting her hold Toby, I kissed her again. "I love you."

"I love you, Rav–" Then her eyes fluttered close.

Our delight was overshadowed by terror when the nurse took the baby from us and another one pulled me away from my wife.

The doctor hurried to check her vitals but the monitor on her heart has flat lined. Her heart stopped beating.

"Miranda!" I struggled against the nurses who lead me away but I lost all strength. Miranda was lying on the bed motionless. The last thing I saw was my wife being resuscitated as the door shut slid shut.

Forever was too short.

* * *

Cradling two months old Tobiah Runi Deschanel in my arms, I whispered, "Little Bear, always know that mommy loved you." I sniffled. I was still haunted by the vision of my lifeless wife.

I made her go through that.

Life without Miranda was not a life I worth living. Toby slept comfortably in my arms and I was glad he will have no memory of that.

"I'll keep you safe, Little Bear."

* * *

MIRANDA