If Only

C H A P T E R 25

UNKNOWING

MIRANDA

Busying myself with covering my tracks and revisiting any loops in the case against Stouffer, I am close to losing it and breaking down. I also kept an eye on Alfred Deschanel since he has been thrown out of the company. He has not made any move against me or Raven that was a plus.

They're more than I could handle. All I need was one day to be free of this. One day so I could breathe.

Mindful of contacting Ruen every now and then, I check in so that she wouldn't have to wonder how I was and worry. She was accompanying her wife to another shoot out of the country.

Thank goodness.

She still has no idea of what has happened or what is happening. And for me to be able to successfully keep it a secret from her, it was quite a feat.

But I'm wearing out.

I was thinking of running to her and get her into making things alright again.

"I'm tired and scared, Rue," I whispered into the night sky. I'm a big mess. The tears were burning behind my eyes but they would not fall. I could not cry. "I'm badly in need of saving."

Somebody...

It's no fun pretending to be an adult completely capable of taking care of herself and a productive functioning member of the society.

Being human is taxing.

Feeling too much then nothing was driving me crazy. Having Ruen was enough. She and I were all needed. A time machine would really be a great idea right about now.

If only I knew how to make one.

My pity party has made me spend the night in the balcony curled into a tight ball. Joints sore and a neck cramp, I tidied up and headed for the kitchen.

"Raven you've been going home later than usual," Harriette said.

"Things to do and all," was her reply. She noticed me and then their conversation ceased.

"Good morning, Miranda." Harriette rolled her eyes at her friend and greeted me.

"Morning! You're up early." I moved to where Raven was and reached for a glass from the island table. "What's on the menu for breakfast?" I rehydrated myself with lukewarm water.

"Something easy and quick cooking," In short, bacon, sausages, scrambled eggs and toast. "I'm taking this morning off you since you've cooked yesterday."

"I'll take you up on that. I'm in no shape to handle the pan today."

"Ha! From lying and idling around all day you mean." Raven muttered.

"Morning, sunshine! You're being your bright and lovely self this early," she was in her suit and ready for work. And testy, "How are things at the work front?" She ignored me.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine, don't worry, I can still feed you. Thanks for acting as if you cared." She inclined her head, a smirk permanently plastered on her face.

"I try." I countered. "I'd like to go back to work later."

"Playing the part of a diligent working class and serving coffee," she laughed mirthlessly and finished her toasts. "Do whatever you want."

She wiped her mouth clean. "Thanks for the meal, Harriette." She bid Harriette goodbye and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Give her time," Harriette told me when Raven was gone. "She'll come around." She gave me a plate filled with food.