need you | g.d.

4 - today

grayson - midnight

the emotions swarming around inside my head tear me apart.

she's here. she's really here and there is nothing i can do about it.

what concerned me even more was the baby. who's was it? has she already moved on that quickly?

i know i sure as hell haven't.

there's a quiet knock on my bedroom door. i stand up and walk over to it, grabbing onto the handle and opening it.

  i reveal ethan. his hand up like he was going to knock again before i opened the door. he awkwardly puts his hand down and a smile curves up on his lips; no teeth though.

  "hey, you okay?" he asks walking towards me and into my room. "you've been distant all day today and we kinda have to film for next tuesday."

  i roll my eyes. "e, i know, okay? i'm just still in shock."

  he nods his head and sits down on my bed right beside me. his hand grips my shoulder and squeezes.

  "dude, it's gonna be okay, okay?" he says pulling me into a sappy hug.

  i nod my head but i'm really not okay. there's just this one question that keeps poking at the back of my mind.

  how'd she move on so quickly? i mean she has a child for god's sake. let's just hope that she's babysitting a baby that looks exactly like her.

  "she has a child, ethan," i say my voice faltering.

  "you don't know if that kid is hers or not, gray, let's just hope it wasn't," he says speaking to me lowly.

  my eyes feel blurry and tears fill them up.

  "you guys should talk," ethan suggests hesitantly, being careful with how he says it.

  he knows that i'm scared of getting hurt again. he knows she's the reason behind my pain but i don't disagree with his idea; not all the way at least.

  "i don't know, but i think you're somewhat right. we need to talk," i say giving in to his suggestion.

  some part of me wants her back. i want her to be mine. but there's this inner part of me that forces myself to hate—no hate's too strong of a word—dislike her, i guess you could say. she caused me to feel a great amount of pain and not much could take that away.

kiara - the next morning

  little to no sleep is what i'm running on—and a cup of coffee. bailey's still asleep when i wake up, praise god, because i don't have the energy to deal with anything at this point.

  my phone buzzes. my eyes automatically dart to the lock screen.

  ethan, again.

ethan: grayson wants to talk

  my airways block up and i freeze. he wants to talk, to me. how do i respond to that?

  i mean i want to talk to him, i want to do more than talk to him, but that's besides the point.

  i want to hear my name roll off of his lips. i want to hear his soft laugh when i do something so incredibly stupid. and lastly, i want to hear his quiet breathing when he lays next to me in bed, something that i didn't cherish enough while i had it.

maybe i should just talk to him. but maybe i shouldn't. there's a part of me that feels like he hates me and to be honest i would hate me too. who wouldn't?

i unlock my phone and for fifteen minutes i sit and stare at the screen, typing and deleting letter by letter one after another.

finally i type something and push my pussy self over the edge.

me: when?

i don't know what came over me. am i really that stupid? he hates me and probably will forever.

bailey cries. my phone vibrates. which do i attend to first? bailey—i just need to look at the text real quick.

her screams get louder. bailey it is.

i walk down the hallway and into the nursery peeking over side of the crib. when bailey's eyes meet mine her cries silence themselves, the remaining tears falling down her face and onto the sheets.

i delicately pick her up and cradle her as her chubby little fingers wrap around my long, skinny index finger.

she coos and smacks her lips, signaling she wants fed. i walk out into the kitchen still cradling her and warm up a bottle of pumped milk.

once it's warm i slip the nipple between her lips and she starts drinking away, her eyes wide open.

as she eats i walk back into the living room, holding her in my arm. i grab my phone from the couch and plop down holding her in my lap. i check the message and almost choke when i see the words.

ethan: is today fine?

a/n: wooohhoo i finally updated lol hope you're enjoying and ty for all the votes lyyy
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-el