need you | g.d.

5 - left like this

kiara - wednesday

i don't know how to act. i haven't branched out much and found someone that i trust with my daughter. but i feel like taking her with me to meet grayson will be bad.

he's going to have so many questions and she'll be a distraction. my attention needs to be on him for at least an hour. i pull the baby hairs out of messy bun and finish my self off with some hairspray.

bailey giggles from her pack n play in my bedroom and i peek out the door to make sure she's okay. she's fine.

i finish my makeup and walk into my bedroom to find an outfit to wear. i don't want to be too revealing; that would be showing how desperate i am. i decide on a nude skirt with light pink sweater. cute for a single mom, i guess.

i don't have to meet him til two o'clock and it's only eleven. i may have been a little excited to get there. plus i need time to find a daycare that will take good care of bailey.

i grab my laptop and pick bailey up and out of her pack n play. i set her on the bed next to me and open my laptop searching for daycares near me.

a few of the pop up but they look kinda shady. i scroll through the endless amount of daycares and babysitters when i find one that seems pretty good actually.

simone's daycare.

she looked about my age and her ratings and reviews were really good. i found her phone number and gave her a call, filling her in on all of my and bailey's information.

she seemed nice; at least i think. i grab bailey off my bed and multitask while putting my thigh high boots on. i grab my phone and tuck it in my clutch, grabbing my keys as i balance bailey on my hip.

she whines a little bit before i grab her pacifier and plop it into her mouth. she's quiet.

i take a deep breath, attempting to calm all my nerves but really only putting myself back into reality.

i'm really doing this. i'm going to talk to grayson after two years of disconnection.

i unlock my car and walk to the back, slipping bailey into her car seat. she sucks on her pacifier as her eyes wander all over the car. i buckle her up and shut the back door, hopping into the front seat after.

  i attempt to steady my hand as i put the key into the ignition. shakily i start my car and take a deep breath before i shift the gear. i back out of my spot and pull out of the parking space.

i stop at a red light and quickly type in the daycares address as siri reads the directions off to me. i take a few lefts then rights which puts me right out front of simone's daycare.

the building is nice: tan brick with a bunch of tall floor-to-ceiling windows in the front.

i get out of my car and grab bailey's car seat from the back seat. her eyes are droopy as i waddle into the building; following the signs to simone's. a lady at a front desk smiles towards me and asks if i need to sign in.

"how are you guys today?" she asks as she hands me a clipboard with a bunch of information.

i smile at her politeness. "we're good, thank you."

i finish filling out all of my information as well as bailey's, handing the lady the clipboard back.

"okay, right through that door back there is simone's office. she should be in there," she says as she points down the hall towards an open door.

"thank you so much, have good day," i reply as i head down the hallway towards the office with the car seat.

a woman around my age or older glances up from her computer and smiles, standing up. "hi, how are you?"

jesus, why is everyone so nice here. "i'm good, thank you."

"here take a seat," she motions towards the armchairs in front of her desk.

i set the car seat on the ground so bailey is facing me. her pacifier drops out of her mouth and i'm quick to slide it back in.

"okay, so what brings you here?" she says as she puts everything aside to get to know me.

i take a few seconds to think of an answer; i wasn't prepared for all the questions, i'm definitely new to this.

"uh, i'm a single mom and i'm still young so i'm trying to live my life a little more freely why i can i guess," i chuckle a little at how stupid i sound.

i have no fucking clue what else to say.

she nods and laughs a little. "makes since. so, um, you said you're a single mother? is there a male figure in your life right now?"

i purely don't really know how to answer this. "well i'm not trying to give you my life story but i'm meeting with bailey's father today. i lived in new jersey before this and i, uh, ran away when i found out i was pregnant with her. i never told her father and a few mornings ago we ran into each other, so now i have to explain the baby to him," i sigh deeply and smile pitifully.

she smiles. "well that's one heck of a story but i hope everything works out for you and the father."

she turns her attention to bailey. "she's a beautiful baby. anything important i should know?"

i thank her and think to myself. "she doesn't fall asleep while eating most of the time, uh, she really isn't a fussy baby and if she is her pacifier normally quiets her down."

she writes these down and sets the pad of paper off to the side. "that's great. makes my job ten times easier."

she asks a few more questions before i have to leave bailey due to the time. i give a few pecks on her face and she giggles as i smile at her. she watches me as i walk away and my heart wrenches. i've never left her like this, for this long.

some part of me is scared but another part of me is screaming with nerves that are bubbling over.

i'm scared and i think i have every right to be.

a/n: whoop sorry for the boring ass chapter but i promise the next chapter will be better....ily all
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-el