EVERY BREATH

T H I R T Y - S I X

I walk towards my parents room with Elijah. I want to say goodnight and hug them one more time. I also know they want to talk to me privately. Elijah runs and opens their door. My mom carries him and sits down.

"I haven't spent much time with you, my little angel" my mom says. I enter the room and my dad steps closer to me. He hugs me and I hug him back.

"We need to talk you know?" He says and I nod my head.

"I think the kids and you would be better with us back home" my mom says with Elijah in arms.

"This is our home now mom" I tell her turning to her.

"Yeah, but princess you would be happier with us. If you leave him I promise you'll be happier. He's no good for you. You just think you love him because he's helped you but your love is really just gratitude. I know that you think you want to stay here, but it's not good for you. I want you to just go for a couple of days and if you don't like it we'll talk. We just want what's best for you" he says softly trying to persuade me.

"I can't do that if I do that James will be destroyed. He really does love me he's been there since you guys weren't. I can't just leave now. That'll seem like I didn't care for him all along" I tell them. I love James even if we're going through a rough time right now. I don't want to leave him it'll hurt him. He's been through so much if I leave he'll think I'm just like the rest. I know he loves me as much as I love him. I won't leave.

"Just think about it" my mom says and I nod. I won't think about because I'm not going to leave James.
~

Alex stands by the door looking at me. I look up and try to smile but it just fades. He walks into the office sitting against the desk giving me a questionable look.

"What's wrong?" He asks crossing his arms.

"Nothing im just thinking about a couple of things?" I tell him and he takes my hand into his.

"Tell me, let me in" he says and I smile. I don't even know if I should. My smile fades thinking about what my parents said.

"My parents want me to leave James and move home with them. They want me to take the kids too" I tell him and he stiffens up.

"You can't do that to Ace. I'm not just saying this because he's my brother but because it's not okay to do it to anyone. Especially if that person loves their kids as much as my brother loves his kids. You leaving will completely kill my brother Lily. He loves you more than his life. You would have to be heartless to leave and take his kids away from him" Alex says and I know he's right. I wasn't even thinking about leaving. I just think moving with my parents sounds good because I miss them so much.

"I know Alex I wasn't thinking about leaving. I just think that going home with them for some time would be good for me. I don't plan on leaving James ever. I love your brother but unfortunately I'm not okay and I think some time with my parents would really help" I tell him and he gives me a sad smile.

"I'm sorry you went through that. What you're saying makes sense. I think you should go but talk to Ace about it. He wants you to talk to him and let him know what you're thinking. My brother really loves you" he says and I look at him in the eyes.

"I can't, I already did and if I tell him more I'll end up crying. I'm so tired of crying Alex it makes me feel vulnerable. I hate the look everyone gives me. I just wish I could be myself without worrying again. I want a break from all of this. I would just leave for a couple of weeks and the kids would love it there. I'm not going to just leave and not tell James about" I tell him. The door opens and James comes in.

"You want to leave?" He asks confused and I don't know how to respond.

"Just for a month or something. I need to go somewhere to think" I tell him. He looks at Alex and then me.

"Why are you talking to Alex about it and not me?" He asks and I can tell he's mad

"Alex and I always talk about delicate stuff to get advice from the each other. I just didn't know how to bring it up to you" I tell him but he doesn't seem to like the responses I gave him.

"She was going to tell you Ace" Alex says trying to calm him down.

"Can you get out Alex" James says irritated.

"James!" I scream because he's being rude.

"It's okay, I'm going. I'm taking Elijah I'll bring him back later" he says and I hug him. I whisper a thank you and he leaves.

"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about this first James" I apologise to him. I see him stressing so I try to grab his hand and he moves away. I take a step back and he gets furious.

"I have tried my hardest lily to be patient with you. I have tried everything I can possibly think of to help you out here, but nothing's going to work huh. You just don't know how to tell me that you want to leave. You don't love me anymore. I see it by the way you act when I enter the same room as you. I see it everytime I touch you. I've been trying to fool myself saying it because of what happened to you. I don't think that anymore and I'm not going to force you to stay with me" he says hurt clear in his voice.

"You're overreacting about all of this if I really wanted to leave you..." I stop because I can't keep making this bigger then it's gotten.

"What!? Huh you would have left without telling me!" He screams and I'm furious now how could he think that.

"I would have said yes to my parents and..." I say but he doesn't let me finish.

"What the fuck! I brought them here for you. I'm the reason you guys are reunited. Fuck you guys. I should have never tried to help. No, you know what I should have done this sooner. If you want to leave the door is wide open, but you are not taking my kids away" he says opening the door and I walk over to him. There's no way he thinks I'm leaving my kids.