EVERY BREATH

S E V E N T E E N

I take a step into the safe house and look at all the durgs and liquor on the tables. I walk next to James and he holds me tight. There are some guards in front of the door and I look at James.

"déjame pasar Jeremy"(let me pass Jeremy) James says in a very serious voice. His eyebrows are angled down he looks mad for some reason.

"tu hermano nos dijo que no permitamos que nadie lo moleste" (your brother told us not to let anyone bother him.)one the bodyguards says.

"no soy nadien, soy su hermano" ( I'm not anyone, I'm his brother) James says pushing through them and the other one tells him to let us by in Spanish.

When we get to the room Alex has his head on the desk and I run to him. "Alex!" I yell and he lifts his head up. He has purple eye bags and red eyes. His beard is grown out. He looks sick.

"What are you here for?" He asks but his voice is weak and he can berly talk before he starts coughing.

"You" I say and look over at James. "We have to take him to a hospital now" I tell James.
~~~
It's been five hours since they brought Alex out and he still hasn't woken up. I'm sitting by his side holding his hand. I don't know where I went wrong. Everything in my life I ruin, he was fine before I entered his life.

I feel his hand tighten around mine. I look up and he smiles at me. "Hi" he says. I jump on him and kiss him.

"You sacred me" I say and begin to cry while hugging him.

"We're even now" he jokes.

"It's not funny Alex. I really thought..." I frown and clean my tears.

"I know babe. I'm sorry" he says.

"Why did you leave? Why did you do this? I don't get it" I say

"I don't know I felt out of place. I felt like I was in just getting in your way. I just don't know" he says.

"We can talk about all of this when you get better" I say.

"Yeah" he says slowly. His eyes shut and he falls asleep.

I can't help but think this is all my fault. My life is a while mess and everything keeps breaking in my hands. I need to make drastic changes. I can't keep hurting everyone I love it's enough. When we get back to California I'm moving out of the mansion and getting a job. I need to get all my thoughts and feelings in order before I continue anything. All I've been doing is pretending everything is okay but it's not. I know I love James and that will never change. I can't stay with Alex because Im not in love with him. I love him so much but not in the way he does. If I keep this up I'm not only going to end up hurting myself but my baby as well. I'm going to talk to Alex first and then James. I know Alex will hate me but I rather be honest with him than keep hurting him with these lies.