EVERY BREATH

T H I R T Y - O N E

(Dream)

I am on a hill filled with bright green grass. I'm in a beautiful white dress. I look up and the sky looks so beautiful with white fluffy clouds. I hear a baby's cry and turn around. There's a basket behind me so I walk towards it curiously. I open it up and it's my baby girl. I drop to my knees and take her out. I carry her in my arms swaying her side to side. She smiles up at me and her little arms reaches out to grab my cheek.

Before she gets a chance to touch my cheek she disappears. I cry searching for her but can't find her. Josh appears out of thin air and takes me into his arms. James is standing in front of me with Elle in one arm and Elijah by the hand. James stares at me with sadness in his eyes and Elijah screams for me to go to him. Josh takes me by the hips and attached his lips to mine. James screams out in rage and I push him away.

In a blink of an eye I am in a living room. James has a baby in arms but not either Elle or Elijah. Elijah is a man sitting next to a young girl who is Elle. A lady appears out of a door and goes to James. She kisses him on the cheek close to his mouth. He smiles up at her and she takes the baby from his arms. I scream and scream at the top of my lungs and yet they don't hear me.

They made a life without me. They never needed me I cry. I slide down the wall and cry because it's all I seem to be able to do.

James walks out and stops in front of me. He smiles and keeps walking. I begin to scream and cry for him to hear me.

(End of Dream)

I wake up screaming and someone wraps their arms around me. I look up and it's James. I hug him tightly not wanting to let go while the tears stream down my face.

"I'm here, it's going to be okay" he says hugging me and comforting me in his arms. I let out a sigh of relief that he's the one holding me instead of Josh. He pulls away for a quick second and I freaking out.

"Don't let go of me" I beg him holding tight. The door opens before he can say anything and Elijah pops his head in.

"Mommy, can I sleep with you? Please" he asks and I nod extending my arms for him. He runs to me and hugs me. I hug him and James hugs us both.

"I'm so sorry" he whispers in my ear.

"It wasn't your fault. I'm sorry I'm making you feel like it is. I don't mean to" I tell him while hugging Elijah.

"It's not your fault either. I shouldn't have gone alone without telling you where I was going" I tell him holding on to his arm.

"Yeah but I shouldn't have let you go without a bodyguard" he says and I just sigh we can't keep blaming ourselves for this when it wasn't our fault.

"We need to stop blaming ourselves because this was all of his fault. Not yours not mine but his" I tell him kissing his cheek.

"That bastard will suffer for what he did to my family. He just dropped off Elle in a basket like if she were some kind of animal. He kidnapped you and kept Elijah away from his mother. I didn't know what to tell him on his birthday when he asked where his mom was. I was all types of fucked up because I didn't have you by my side. I almost lost my sanity and you because if him" he says clearly engaged. I look up and kiss him because I've missed him so much. Elijah is fast asleep so I lay him down next to me on the bed.

"I was losing everything so fast. I was afraid you'd lose hope for me and move on. Everyday I cried wanting to come home. The only thing that kept me going was the thought of seeing you and my kids again. I wished to have all of you in my arms again. I never once stop thinking about you guys" I tell him and he holds me tightly.

"I would never forget you my love" he says holding me tight. "Did he touch you?" He ask me in a low voice and tears run down my face just from the memories. I can't tell him the truth he wouldn't be able to look at me the same. "Please, I want to know what you went through with him. I want to make him pay for everything he did to you" he begs and I wipe the tears away.

"I don't want to think about that. I just want to stay in your arms and forget everything he did" I tell him with my face against his chest.