Bang Me (The Big Bang Theory Fan-Fiction)

Knock, knock, knock, “Penny!” Knock, knock, knock, “Penny!” Knock, knock, knock, “Penny!” I heard someone shout from the outside of the door. I went to answer it but when I did I saw a very tall, pale, awkward man standing there. He looked me up and down and then finally said, “You’re not Penny. Where’s Penny?” 

“Penny’s not around,” I said then looked around to divert any eye contact. This guy was kind of creeping me out. 

“Well where is she and who are you?” 

More questions this was great. “Penny’s at work,” I was still trying to avoid giving this guy my name. 

“It’s Monday though. Penny doesn’t work on Monday.” 

“She had to cover someone’s shift. What did you need anyway?” 

“Hm, seems like someone has the same attitude as Penny. Someone’s dropped her mail in my mailbox. I wanted to make sure she received it. I can’t leave it here now though.” 

“Why not? I live here too.” 

“You do not live here. I’ve never seen you here in my life.” 

“Forget it,” I said, snatching the mail from his hands. I then walked back into the room and slammed the door in his face. As soon as I did so I could hear the ‘Knock, knock, knock, “Penny!”’ starting again. 

“I am not Penny!” I screamed as I opened the door again. 

“Well you never gave me your name, now did you? How am I supposed to know what is appropriate to call you? For all I know you could be Penny, you seem to be answering to the name just as any other Penny would do.” 

“My name is Maddie. Happy?” 

“Well, I’m not unhappy.” I went to go close the door again but the man’s annoying voice rang out clearly again. “Don’t you want to know my name?” 

“Not really, but I’m sure you’ll tell me anyway.” 

“I’m Dr. Sheldon Cooper. It’s nice to meet you Maddie.” 

“Good bye Sheldon,” I said before closing the door once again. It looked like living with this guy as a neighbor was going to be a fun time, all sarcasm intended. A few minutes later I heard a few more voices outside the door. Perhaps Penny was finally home; maybe she would have brought me my first date of being here, doubtful. Knock, knock, knock, “Maddie!” Oh god, not this guy again. Knock, knock, knock, “Maddie!” Maybe if I waited for more than three he would go away. Knock, knock, knock, “Maddie!” I stood there for a bit waiting. There was no further sound. I cautiously went over to the door and slowly opened it, trying to peer out without anyone else seeing me. It failed. Instead of the one annoying Sheldon there it turned out that he had brought three other strange looking men along with him. 

“Hi, I’m sorry about whatever it is Sheldon did. I’d just like to welcome you to the building. I’m Leonard.” Was what the shortest of the men said. 

“Don’t crowd the woman,” another man said, slightly pushing Leonard out of the way to get closer to me, “Howard Wolowitz, at your service.” I rolled my eyes at his petty attempt at flirting with me and looked behind the other three men who had already made me wish I hadn’t moved here to find the fourth. He was a little Indian looking man. 

“And your name is?” I asked. 

I got no response from him but Leonard answered for him, “That’s Raj, he can’t talk to women.” 

“Well, alright then. I think I’ll just be heading back in then…” I said and started closing the door once again. 

“Don’t you want to come see our apartment?” Leonard asked before I could get the door fully shut. I had known these men for less than five minutes and already I wished to never see them again. 

“No thanks.” I said before closing the door on them. 

I sat down and slumped behind the door. It seemed like all my energy had been drained just because of the conversation. All I could hear once I sat on the floor was their now fading footsteps and the Howard character saying, “She totally wants me.”