Bang Me (The Big Bang Theory Fan-Fiction)

Preparing for the Date

Raj's POV: 

After many, many, many long hours throughout the day and night (without any sleep) I finally got through all the words in Howard's dictionary. Although, I had no idea when the word "subsidiary" was going to come up in conversation. Just to be safe I went through a good percentage of the words on Urbandictionary as well. 

The part that was harder than recording myself for hours was making sure that I lip-synced to my own thoughts. It was a lot harder than it sounds. Firstly, my mind is like a wandering butterfly. One second I'm thinking about a highly complicated mathematical equation, then the next I'm thinking about Maddie, and then I'm thinking about the floral lotions a nice elderly woman was trying to sell me at the mall earlier in the day. No thought of mine went uncensored while wearing this helmet. I would have to be extra careful about what I said/thought around Maddie tonight. For all I knew this one date would be the difference between being with her forever or never seeing her again. 

The next hardest part about this helmet, which I realize sound trivial compared to the rest of my pursuits, was that the helmet was really itchy. No amount of anti-itch or anti-dandruff shampoo (with its corresponding conditioner) could sooth my burning scalp. 

Howard had fixed up the smaller helmet, and had even given me a hat to go with it. Although, it was a rather lame fedora and I had to turn down the offer. "Well, what are you going to wear over it?" Howard asked me after I had turned down his attempt at a terrible fashion choice. "It's going to be a little obvious if you have a robot brain-reading device strapped to the top of your head!" 

"Calm down Howard, I've got just the thing. I picked it up last night while I was lotion shopping." I still don't know why Howard laughed when I put on my new top hat. The salesman had told me that I looked very extravagant in it, and I fully agreed. Hearing the sound of my cool and relaxed Indian voice and seeing me in a tophat as classy as this one, there was no way that this night could go wrong. There was no way that Maddie would be able to resist the charming Indian boy that I was on a superficial basis. If all went well maybe she would want to see my daring and pants-free side by the end of the night. Hey, a guy could hope. 

Maddie's POV: 

"What is taking him so long?" I whined to Penny. "I give the guy one more chance and he doesn't even show up! What's wrong with him?" I paced back and forth in the middle of the apartment while Penny was getting ready for a date of her own. 

"Sweetie, if he doesn't show up I told you that you're more than invited to come and hang out with me. I'm just going down to the Cheesecake Factory. I would go somewhere else, but I'm pretty much broke and I get 15% off any drinks I buy." 

"Sorry Penny, I don't want to drown my sorrows in drinks tonight." I plopped down on the couch next to her. As I sat down I somehow managed to hit my head off of the back of the couch and groaned. "Maybe tomorrow night if he doesn't show today," I mumbled. 

"Good luck Sweetie," Penny said and gave me an awkward side-hug as she got up to leave. "I've got places to be, guys to meet, and..." she looked around the room to notice out lack of beverages, "shopping to do so we can both drown our sorrows later." 

"Thanks Penny, goodnight." I grumbled and turned on the saddest movie I could find on cable. "See you later." 

"Crap! I forgot something!" Penny yelled at she opened the door. 

"What's that?" I asked dryly, pretending to care. 

"Your date..." Penny had a large smile on her face. I looked past her to see Raj in the doorway, holding flowers, lotion, and wearing...a tophat?