Holding On For Him ~ GD

Chapter 27 ~ Are You Okay Now?

I watch her face look up to mine slowly, her saddened eyes tearing me apart. God I missed her. She slowly removes her arm from my grip and takes a deep breathe before looking over to Ethan, I watch him nod before walking inside leaving me alone with Amber on the sidewalk.

She turns back to me. "I. uhm. I still talk to Ethan."

"What do you mean?"

"Well when I left New Jersey, I stopped talking to you and avoided you and didn't want - told you I didn't want to see you. Well I didn't stop talking to Ethan and I didn't avoid him. We mostly spoke about you and he checked up on me and stuff like that. He said you weren't doing okay a-and that I really hurt you." Her eyes begin to water as she looks down. "But he told me that I should just stay away until I'm better and he said he'd take care of you. But he called me one day and s-said you were pretty fucked up and drunk and stuff, and you never get drunk so he asked me to come over. I did. I even spoke to you, you cried on me for hours and then when you were finished crying you yelled at me and said it was all my fault that you were like that-"

"Ambe-"

"Just listen please, I don't know if I'll be able to say all this again."

"Okay." I whisper.

"And you told me it was my fault and so I fell apart again. You probably don't remember because you were like really drunk and fucked up. But anyway. My therapist had just told me I could get off my medication and I thought I was okay, but after I saw you that night I wasn't okay." She grabs my hand gently and I hold hers tight. "I have therapy twice a week and the next time I went I told her what happened and she put me back on my medication, she also told me to find you and talk to you when you were more... sober. I tried for like the last three weeks. I didn't have the courage to talk to you so I only came here like four times before today and every time I came Ethan said you were with someone so he would just come for a walk and we would talk and stuff." She takes a deep breathe. "Yeah."

"Are you okay now?" I question carefully.

She closes her eyes. "Not really."

I watch her breathing become unsteady, her body starting to shake gently, her grip on my hand getting tighter and tighter, her eyes squeeze together tighter than they were. She's having an anxiety attack.

"Hey..." I whisper.

I lift up my arm and pull her closer to me, I place my arm on her face causing her to open her eyes.

"I-I'm sorry I l-left you." she sobs without breaking her eye contact.

"C-can you explain why you left?" I rub my thumb on the side of her precious face.

I was too scared to ask before. The day she told me she wanted to take a break I was too focused on the fact that I might loose her and never see her again. She asked Ethan to take her to the airport the following morning, she tried to avoid me and the topic of the break so I stopped asking her about it realising I wasn't going to get any answers.

"Uhm, can we go inside?"

I nod slowly before wrapping an arm around her waist and leading her into the warehouse, I take her and sit down on the couch downstairs. She looks at me sympathetically before taking a deep breathe.

"I w-wanted to take a break to fix some things. I was going through something and I didn't want you to see me go through it. The reason you couldn't contact me for the first month was because I was in a rehabilitation centre and I requested that no one told you because I knew you'd freak out. "

She's right. I would have lost my mind, I am loosing my mind. I keep a straight face though so she can't tell. Truth is, I just want to grab her and cry and apologise for yelling at her and making her feel like she had to leave me during that time, but I keep it calm and listen carefully to her soft words exiting her soft lips.

"B-but I've now realised I need you and I don't know if I can hold on without you... but I understand if it's too late an-"

"It's never too late. I'll always be here to hold you and be there for you. I'll always love you Amber."

a/n the end.