the good bad and the ugly

The letters part 1

A/N: ok so this chapter is going to be a several parter as I am going to write and show you what was written on the letters as mentioned in the previous chapter I will also be explaining why he wrote the letters at the end in an authors note ;) warning if you don't like to here about suicide then don't read this chapter. if you are suffering from mental illness and need to talk to some one call this number: 13 11 14 for life line Australia or contact the kids helpline1800 55 1800 and know that you are never alone with this as a fellow mental illness sufferer I can understand you pain I will be doing a Q and A on Sunday (Australian time) the 4th of November so cash in some questions for me I would love to hear some ;)

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Rouge,

I'm sorry but I  cant live with the guilt any longer. the past few terms of you being here have really opened a new door for me like I could fight this... but after I heard the fight between you Natsu and Wendy about bunny girl... I honestly don't think I can fight this anymore... although you made me happy when you stood up for her... you remember lily? well if things go as I plan for them to go then I want you to take care of him for me... it will be hard for him.

Even though we had a rough start with the games... I believe we can put our differences aside.

I truly believe that I will be leaving you and many others behind after this decision... but sadly I have been suffering in silence for far too long now... a year to be precise. you remember the 'maple highway crash'? well that's when it all started I slowly grew into depression... all the scars you see... they aren't from fights with other people... they are self inflicted... so I have made the decision to end it all today... where it all started.

gonna miss you buddy,

Gajeel

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*earlier that day*

*Rouges P.O.V*

I was in detention yet again when the teacher cut it short I was about to leave but the teacher stopped me "Rouge... you need to head to your dorm immediately." I look at the teacher with a look of confusion " why? did something happen?" I ask receiving a concerned look from her "your dorm mates along with yourself have all your lasses on hold for as long as you need, as you an tell Mr redfox is absent today... the school got an email from him that was very concerning we have reason to believe you may have a clue in your dorm as to where he could be... please let us know if he is alright" I was confused 'what is that supposed to mean?' I think to myself as I walk down the corridor bumping into Rufus "hey watch where you are going- Rouge I'm sorry I thought you... is everything ok you seem quieter than usual?" Rufus asked seeming to notice my behaviour "have you spoken to the others today? I was told that my classes where put on hold because Gajeel didn't come to school today...", "that's odd I had the same conversation with the head master we should go have a look around our dorm room for some clue as to where he could be..." we then made our way down the dirt trail to our dorm meeting some of the others along the way when we got there the side door was open. When we got inside Rufus and I ran up the stairs to the third floor where our room was when we got inside we saw a note on my bed... "how strange I don't recall seeing that there this morning..." Rufus said pointing to the letter that I had only just picked up on. I sat on the bed and opened the letter and read it, as I did so my heart stopped and then everything seemed to fall into place his (Gajeel) strange behaviour his scars the late nights out side silently crying all of it but the part that upset me the most was the fact that he never talked about it "we need to show the others..." I say and Rufus nods in agreement after we get down stairs I show everyone the letter and everything got quiet "I thought it was a joke but when Mrs lyra the new music teacher had mentioned that he had sent the school an email about him not coming to school things started to make sense guys we should have talked to him about this maybe he would still be here-" I cut Minerva off "No..." everyone looked at me in surprise "I'm going to look for him he wouldn't do this and if he is then I will stop him and none of you can stop me!" I say running to the door stopping in my tracks as I see someone walking towards the dorm as the figure gets closer I can see that its gajeel " dude what happened to you?!" I say with surprise and joy "nothing big just had to do something important..." I notice the bag he is carrying " what's in the bag?" he looked at the bag and then tossed it in the bin "something that has no use to me anymore..." I glance back into the dorm to see the others mopeing around like he is already goan " I read your letter... you wanna talk about it?" he looked at me with a small smile a tear slid down his face "yeah I-I would like that but can we do it with the others? you all deserve an explanation" I then move out of the way leading him to the lounge room where everyone was waiting "who was it Rouge?" Loke asked as I turn the corner with gajeel in toe "just me..." gajeel said catching everyone by surprise "GAJEEL!" they all scream in unison making him flinch and me cringe from the sudden outburst "why didn't you talk to us?" sting asked moving over so gajeel could sit "well its kind of hard to do that without those two getting pissed about the whole bunny girl thing... like really was it so necessary that you had to kill her mother and put her in a coma for a year?! why did you think that was a good idea she did nothing to you!" he yelled the last part at Natsu and Wendy failing to hold back tears "you could never understand how painful it was to see her like that laying there in that hospital bed unable to wake up or even show any signs of brain activity- she almost died her kidneys had started to fail..."," then how is she alive?" Wendy asked "she has AB+ blood..." he looked down and I remembered a conversation I had with him and Rufus when we moved in *flash back* "ok so I have something to talk to you guys about... even though we just met if I ever need a blood donation it has to be AB+ blood because that's mine and no-one else here has that blood type " *end flash back* "you gave her one of your kidneys didn't you?" I say getting everyone's attention gajeel kept his eyes on the ground "yeah... I almost lost the only person who actually cares about how I feel she is like a sister to me... she saved my life once so I returned the favour..." I then thought of something " gajeel... why didn't you well..do it?" he looked at me and sting punched my arm "ow! what the hell it was just a question!" , "yeah! a stupid one at that!" gajeel interrupted our little fight "your text..." we all looked at him "the text you sent me two days ago... I finally read it... do you really mean what you said? about the whole you being there for me to talk to you?" I smile a little "of Corse I do I can and always have been able to read you ever since we first met at the games I could see myself in you believe it or not I was in your position a while ago but I had sting there to talk some sense into me and I got help but when I saw you... I could tell you had no-one to turn to... so I thought I should be there to help."

A/N: ok so I am sorry about the talk about suicide but I felt like it was necessary hope you can forgive me DX