SOTUS BEHIND THE ACT

Don't Be The One Who Leaves First

KRIST

1:14 a.m. Early Morning of a Tuesday

  I opened, and closed my eyes as I heard the clock change minute by minute.

I pressed my eyes shut hard forcing me to believe that it will somehow make go back to sleep. . . Unfortunately it didn't.
•••

    I laid in bed with the window open allowing the wind to be the only ventilation across the room. As I constantly continued to turn my body over, and over trying to find a comfortable position.

I was surrounded by complete silence.

With the harsh feeling of loneliness which was clashing through my chest. I had never felt as lonely as I did tonight. Even though I had many numbers to call in my phone, friends to hang out with they were all useless. They were all unnecessary.

As it followed I tried to meditate for what felt like hours; disappointingly it didn't worked, nothing did. All I could do now was trying to take deep breaths wishing it would help me clear my head.

Nothing, worked. Absolutely nothing.

I tried everything, I stood up for a while, grabbed a cup of coffee, tried to exercise but my thoughts would not allow me to do anything.

Once again my thoughts, and only thoughts would keep me up at night. Even though I wanted to sleep more than anything else for myself I couldn't do it. My body would just prevent me from finding peace...

I continued to laid in bed as I lied to myself forcing my eyes shut believing how sooner or later I would be able to get some sleep.

Minutes later I just accepted the fact that I would get absolutely no sleep tonight.

•••••

4:05 a.m

Still nothing. It felt as if I was going crazy.

I wanted to cry but I couldn't allow myself to do so. I won't cry.

I wouldn't.

Every five minutes I would spin across the bed changing positions trying to make myself comfortable. Again, and again. My bed was a complete mess.

"Forget it" I whispered to myself.

"Forget him, screw him" I would loudly restate after my last sentence. As if by saying bad stuff about Singto would simply change the fact that anything bad had happened on the first place.

But just as I tried hard not to think about him, and to give sense to all the lies and the rage I had for him; my voice and a pain deep in my heart continued to make my voice crack as I continued to think about him.

The constant remorse, and the feeling of emptiness at night made everything worse.

As I stayed in bed while all my family were sleep I tried my hardest not to cry. My eyes were open and I knew that if I dared to close them I would simply start crying. And I didn't had the will to prevent me from crying once I had started.

But as the hours passed, I realized my body and mind were not capable to synchronize with my needs. Worst of all what I felt.

I forced my eyes shut again as I finally felt a tear falling down my cheek, forcing me to suddenly sit back in my bed.

"What?"

I let out a small laugh. "Ha-ha" As if I was surprised of myself for acting this way. Had my body betrayed me?