MARIA JUANA

I'm so stressed that sunlight hurts, I am God's mistake! This is Chapter 8!

^read to the tune of Old MacDonald

Wow mood-C

Al has to face the guidance counselor as well. - M

"Alberto, the guidance counselor would like to see you."

"Oh my GOD! They're onto you too! They're tracking us down! We're done for! We're finished! Say goodbye to future wife, say hello to rest of life spent in Area 51!"

"Martin, calm down! Just...let me handle this, for God's sake."

"Now wait, I don't want people thinking I have a Gatorade addiction!"

"Byeee, Martin."

"Hello, Alberto. How are you doing today?"

"I'm doing alright."

"That's good. Now, can you tell me why you think you are here today?"

"I'm here because my best friend thought that oregano was weed and he tried to smoke it at a girl's house to be cool. Listen, I don't know HOW he thought that oregano smelled anything like weed but like maybe he just had a stuffed-up nose that day but anyway-"

"Alberto, you're rambling. You were right the first time."

"I know, I just tend to do that sometimes."

"Well, anyways. What could you have done to prevent the situation?"

"I could have told him that the bag smelled like a freaking pizzeria in downtown New York or like my Nonna's kitchen except I did and he didn't listen."

"What else could you have done?"

"Uhhhhh... Nothing? That man has a mind of his own and he doesn't listen to anyone except for himself. Oh, and Obama. But other than that, no one."

"I'm sure that you could have gotten something through to him."

"I did tell him that it wasn't a good idea to smoke it inside the house, since it could set off the fire alarms. He agreed, but Maria wanted to stay inside, and since the girl is ALWAYS right to Martin, we all stayed inside and the smoke detectors went off."

"Maybe you were right, but you could have gotten out of the situation with just yourself and not risked it, since you knew that you would get in trouble."

"But that would be abandoning my best friend! Our whole relationship would be ruined and it would trail off into just memes and an occasional vent about how I ruined everything. I don't want to be responsible for that."

"I'm sure he would understand."

"Like I said before, he only listens to himself and our Lord and Savior Barack Obama. Oh, and there's the bell. Gotta go now. Thanks for the wonderful chat, Mr. Wong."

"I'll discuss with you more next week."