MARIA JUANA

I bet you $20 that we'll get to Chapter 10

Maria is a bad-ass bitch, but the guidance counselor is too pure for that. Oh also, Maria really likes Just Dance for some reason. - M

"Maria, the guidance counselor would like to see you."

"Oh, goodie."

"NO, MARIA! DON'T GO, THE FBI WILL GET YOU!"

"Oh my fucking god Martin, chill the fuck out. I'll be back at the end of the period, so try not to overdose on Fun Dip."

"Hello, Mr. Wong. This is about the whole drug situation, right?"

"Yes, it is. Now, Maria, I would like to ask you some questions about it and then you can go."

"Sounds dope."

"What does that- Nevermind. First question: what was your role in the situation?"

"I think that I was the instigator because I asked them to hang out at my house."

"Why did they come over to your house?"

"Because a bitch wanted to play Just Dance and my boyfriend was busy."

"Riight. Nothing else besides that?"

"Mr. Wong. What are you suggesting?"

"Nothing, nevermind. So your friends brought marijuana--oregano--to your house, and you didn't feel uncomfortable? Pressured, in a way?"

"Hah, no. I told them they were idiots and sat back to watch them make fools out of themselves trying to get high. But when they burned the shit, it stunk up the entire house and that's when my parents intercepted."

"You sat back, you say? So you didn't tell them that smoking marijuana is bad for their lungs and overall health? Why?"

"Because knowing those two, they'd never smoke anything ever again after trying it. You don't know my friends like I do, Mr. Wong. We had a school play in first grade and Al auditioned to be the fucking tree. And he didn't even get the part."

"What about Martin?"

"He wanted to be the main character, but ended up getting cast as a wizard or something and cried about it for two hours at my house."

"No, no, I mean about the drug situation. You truly believe he'd never try drugs again, after getting that first taste? It's a serious risk you're taking."

"With all due respect, man, if I got to see Al and Martin high for the first time, it's a risk I'm willing to take. Come on, we're gambling with rigged cards, dude. They're never gonna do drugs, especially after this. Al's been doing nothing but whining about his college career for the past two days and Martin thinks he's gonna get dragged into area 51. Are you really that concerned they'll end up addicts?"

"...honestly, I'm not sure how to answer that."

"I thought so. They are really strange and just unique people. But yeah, it was a mess because Al was telling Martin the whole time about how it smelled like his Nonni or whatever's house in Italy and half of it was in Italian because he couldn't think of the right words."

"You let this happen?"

"I advised them not to, but yeah, I sort of did. I have some regrets, but this is funny as shit, so not many."

"Maria, that is morally wrong. Why would you just let them panic like that if you are their friend?"

"I- uh, I'm feeling very attacked right now, wig flew- Oh there's the bell, gotta fly, BYE!"

"mARIA"