Woke the F*ck Up

13

December 10th, 2017

Lena sits on the bed and stares at the floor. She knew as soon as she saw Kara she would regret everything. Something obviously happened to her. She looked like a truck had hit her. But why didn't she call? If she could just hop on a plane to get here after missing flights for a month, how come she couldn't get here on time. Why did it take Lena breaking up with her for Kara to fucking show up? The toilet flushes and the bathroom door opens to reveal a very naked Veronica.

"The 'ex' didn't expect to see you moving on so quickly, did she?" Veronica leans against the door frame.

"Get out," Lena says quietly.

"Oh, come on Lee. We had fun. Don't let blondie be a buzzkill."

"Don't call me that," Lena says, the nickname stabbing straight into her chest.

"Lee? Why not?"

"Because I said so. Now get out Veronica!" Lena roared. She crossed the room to open the door. Veronica huffed and gathered her clothes before striding past Lena. At the door, she turns to the raven-haired singer.

"Call me when you're ready for more fun. Or you just need to forget."

Lena slams the door shut and collapses on the bed, doing what she should have the evening before, crying until she falls asleep.

_________________________________________________________________________

January 12th, 2018

"Lee-na... wow, I haven't shaid your name in a long time. I knew you would send me to voicemail. (Lena hears a shuddering breath) I've... I've tried to forget you. But... My heart hurts. My whole body hurts. I know I fucked up. And you fucked up. But I still want you. Despite everything and all the pain in my chest. It makes it hard for me to focus on... on what I'm doing. Why did you do this to me? Why did I do this to myself? I shtill want to tell you the truth, but I think you need to figure out what you want too. I just hope you decide before it's too late, before... before we can't talk anymore."

Lena listens to the voicemail for the tenth time. Kara was clearly drunk as she slurred her words. It hurt Lena because she drove Kara to do that. She was toxic. The last line always got her. Too late, like Kara wouldn't love her anymore? But it sounded more ominous than that. She stares at the now empty text message window with Kara's name at the top. She deleted everything from before. Pictures, texts, Instagram posts (which caused a major commotion in the media), and her contact. But then Kara called her. Lena re-saved her number after that. Why didn't she delete this too? Because Kara still wanted her. Emotions moved through the message like a hurricane, and it made Lena sick. It made her happy. It made her hurt. All she can think about is how Kara's blue eyes turned to steel when she heard Veronica's voice. How she instantly went to the bathroom to throw up as her stomach rolled and the alcohol soured. Then she ran down the hall trying desperately to catch Kara, Only to see her crying as the doors slid shut. Lena thought of taking the stairs, but she was still only wrapped in a sheet. The sheet from the bed where she fucked her ex in a moment of extreme weakness after ending things with Kara in a stupid voicemail. Anyone else would have been better, or no one. She should have just drunk with Sam then went home.

Lena's head whips up as the back door bursts open into the alley.

"Fuck, sorry. Nobody is usually back here. I'm the only one who smokes in this place."

Lena just nods and settles back against the wall she was huddled against. She turns her head to watch the already bustling London traffic in the morning gloom on the adjacent street and takes another drag on her cigarette.