Because I love you.

Chapter five: Scars

          

I meet Jacob after school and we drive home in silence. I don't know what I did, or if it even was me; I think it was but all I know is that I want him to be happy again.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"I'm fine." He says. I frown and he takes a quick look at me. He sighs and pulls up half way between our houses. "Do you want to come inside? To my place?" He asks. I shrug and nod, knowing he will probably tell me inside. He drives into his place and we go straight up to his room. He lies down with his hands under his head and I sit next to him on his bed.

"So, are you okay?" I ask again.

"I had a plan, I was just going to say the girl I met had a boyfriend and decided to stay in England but then I met you and I liked you so it was a match made in heaven." He says.

"So when I said I don't do love anymore..." I trail off in understanding

"Yeah." He says. "But its okay, a fake girlfriend is better than no girlfriend at this point." He says. I frown a little.

"Won't it hurt?" I ask. He smiles at me and shrugs. "It's not that I don't like you, I do, I really do, but I just can't do it again." I say sincerely.

"Who hurt you?" he asks, frowning slightly.

"That doesn't matter; it was no one's fault. It just was such a bad situation I don't want it to happen again." I say honestly.

"What was the situation?" He asks. I frown and look at his closed blinds.

"What's the real reason your blinds are always closed?" I ask, raising my eyebrows. He smiles and shakes his head.

"Touché." He says. I smile and take my shoes off to lie down next to him. He smiles and looks at me, reaching out and holding my hand as he goes back to looking at the ceiling.

"Your grandma moved in last year. Before that there was a family; just parents and their daughter. Well I kind of fell for her. We would always talk to each other through the window; sometimes I'd wait, listening to music, for her to come home. She would always run to the window to say hey and we would pretend to dance or just be funny. One day she said she was moving. She literally left the same day since she never felt like she could actually tell me. I keep them closed to forget her; I just got used to her being there." He says.

"Do you still love her?" I ask.

"No." He says. "I just miss her." He says. "It was like she was my private best friend, that's why none of my friends know. But I never really knew her. I fell in love with the idea of her really." He says.

"Wow." I say. "I mean I'm glad you don't watch me but I'm sad you can't enjoy the view or anything." I say.

"I grew up with the view; I think I know what it looks like by now." He says.

"Can I raise the blinds?" I ask. He laughs a little and nods. I flick the switch and I rest my head on his chest as I watch them rise. Jacob plays with my hair and I take a deep breath.

"Thank you for telling me." I say, getting comfortable on him.

"No problem, you tell me yours when you are ready." He says. I look up and smile.

"I will, one day. I'm still getting over it to be honest." I say.

"Is that why you left England?" He asks. "To heal?"

"Yeah, I mean I lived surrounded by farms, there are so many more opportunities here too." I say. "I mean, living surrounded by the bad memories is the main reason l left." I say with a slight laugh.