Because I love you.

Chapter Seventeen: Check up

"Are you sure that you have to leave?" Carrie asks.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. My old doctors need a check-up, my mum misses me and I miss her. I'll be back for summer break." I say.

"But it's only the middle of spring. You'll be gone for ages." Joe says. I laugh a little and shrug.

"I need to go, but you can't keep me away, all the universities I've applied to are here." I say with a smile. Carrie groans and hugs me.

"When do you leave?" She asks.

"The 17th." I say. They share a worried look, I sigh, they never just tell me things anymore. "What is it this time?" I ask.

"Jacob's party is the 16th; you might want to leave earlier." Adam says.

"I can't I have one last doctor's appointment that afternoon, it's the first flight to London I could get." I say.

"Well, it's more of a day party; you should get some good sleep that night anyway." Nat says. I smile and I have to say my goodbyes. I go home and start packing. I forgot about Jacob's party. But I trust him; he should be considerate of us as his neighbours, or at least my grandma.

I get nervous when I leave my house for my doctor's appointment. Noah is arriving with huge bottles of alcohol and kegs of beer. The party had started but it hadn't gotten rowdy, but with my knowledge alcohol won't help.

"Are you a nervous flyer?" My nurse asks.

"No, why?" I ask.

"Your heart rate is elevated. And you just seem nervous." She says.

"My neighbour is throwing a party, I want some sleep before I fly, and if I'm cranky it just makes the experience even more tiring." I explain.

"The doctor can prescribe some sleep medication, or you can call the police if they are too loud; sometimes that part of the fun." She says with a laugh. I smile and hold my breath as she draws some blood. I wait for two hours until the tests are done and I drive home when they come back clear. I declined medication, I still trust Jacob.

When I get back the party has more than tripled but inside my house it's not too bad. I just go over everything I have packed and I try to sleep.

It's about two am when I am woken up by vibrations. I sit up and hear the deep vibrations of a bass line of some crappy EDM song. I walk out of my room and see my grandma do the same.

"Go back to bed, I'll handle this." I say. She just nods and walks back into her room. I grab my keys and walk over to Jacob's house.

It smells like sweat, cheap beer and chlorine. I get some very strange looks from everyone as I walk in, in my sweats and a tank top. I push through the dunk strangers and the gross making out until I get to the pool and the garden attached on the other side. I pass the DJ booth and I see Joe with a girl. I get his attention and I just about manage to shout a question in his ear.

"Where the hell is Jacob?" I ask.

"Last I saw by the pool table." He says. I grunt and walk in the direction I came from. I must not have seen him when I passed. I reach the pool table and squeeze through some sweaty people. I'll need a shower after I turn this crap music down.

I manage to get to the pool table and I look up to see Jacob making out with a dark blonde. She is sitting on the pool table, showing off her curves. His right hand is on her tiny waist as his left is by her head, partly holding it closer to his and partly holding a bottle of beer. I turn around and try and push back out of the crowd. I need air.

"Hey don't go! You just pushed your way in!" A drunken guy says, holding my forearm; trying to dance with me.

"Let go of me!" I shout, pushing his arm off mine and pushing away. He holds my forearm again but tighter.

"Ryan! Let go!" Jacob shouts. I look back and see Jacob staring at me again. The girl who he was previously making out with turns her head only slightly to the side and looks at me through the corners of her eyes as she laughs at me. I frown at the hurt and I push through the swarm of people again.

"Lily!" Jacob shouts as he pushes after me. I break free from the people and walk past the pool to get to my fence so I can just jump over. "Lily!" He shouts, holding my forearm just as I get to the grass.

"NO!" I shout, flicking my arm so his hand flies off. The music stops abruptly and people stare. "That is not my name." I say, pushing him slightly.

"Lindy..." He trails off. "Let me explain."

"No." I say. "Let me." I say, ignoring the steady stream of tears.

"You found out that I used to be sick. And you couldn't take it; you couldn't look at me, and I understand that now. I am too broken for you. But you are too much of a coward to end it so you just let me die in my room, even in my hospital bed of that one flicker of hope that you said would always be there. But even though I don't have cancer anymore, even though all I need is to sleep a bit more than normal people I am still too broken. So you lied. You did leave me. But I don't even care anymore. I'm too tired to care. I don't even care that technically you cheated on me with that girl in there. I just need you to turn down your shit music because I've got an early flight tomorrow. Goodbye Jacob." I say. Walking away and going back to my house.

The music stays off and as I get into bed my grandma just shouts a thank you, oblivious to what just happened. I lie in my bed and cry myself to sleep. It even starts to hurt the scar on my head but I soothe myself just enough to sleep for the few hours I have until I have to leave for the airport. Hopefully it's enough sleep to survive.