Because I love you.

Chapter Twelve: Sick

Lindy's POV

"Is he gone?" I ask, swinging my legs over the side of the bed.

"He has gone to get you some clothes." My grandma says, sitting back down on the chair by the foot of my bed.

"Okay." I say, looking back down at the floor and focusing on it, without my phone I don't have anything to distract my brain with, so I just try and zone out unless a doctor comes in.

"Hello." A nurse says as she walks in. I look up and smile slightly. She is short and a bit plump but very cheerful which is strange since it's almost three am. "How are you doing?" She asks with a slight Mexican accent. She checks my chart and looks at the monitors by my bed.

"Fine." I say with a shrug. "No pain, just a little nauseous." I add, knowing that she needs a bit more information.

"Okay, I'll see what I can do." She says and walks out.

"Are you really okay?" My grandma asks.

"Yeah, I'm just nauseous." I say mechanically, she sighs but the nurse comes back with another clear bag to add to my IV line.

"This is anti-nausea." She says, collecting the line. I smile and I watch the clear liquid slowly go down and into my arm. It kind of puts me in a trance.

"You seem sad." She says. "Sick of hospitals?" She asks sympathetically as she puts the medication on my chart.

"Kind of." I say.

"Well, what else could it be?" She asks. "I'm here to help." She says with a smile. I return the smile minimally and go back to lying down in the bed.

"It's nothing that you can help with, it's not even medical." I say.

"Well, I'll trust you on that." She says and sits on my bed. "But I'm here for emotional support too." She says. I see my grandma stand up and head to the door.

"I'll leave you to it." She says. I bite my lip and nod.

"So, what is troubling you?" She asks.

"My boyfriend doesn't know about my past, medically or anything." I say. "He's going to find out tonight, I don't think he will stay with me." I say.

"Does he love you?" She asks.

"Yeah." I say instantly. "But that doesn't mean he won't leave. People have before." I say.

"Well, what will happen if he does?" She asks.

"I don't think I would be allowed to stay with my friends, I've known them for a few months when he has known them for years. We are neighbours so we'd see each other and we go to the same school. We would see each other which would hurt too much." I say. "I'd leave." I say honestly.

"Well, if he is the guy that was waiting for hours when you got here, then I doubt he will leave you. I've seen so many people in here; no one like him ever willingly left someone they loved." She says.

"Did the people they love not tell them that they used to have cancer?" I ask.

"Some did, some didn't tell them they had AIDs or other things." She says. "Trust him." She says, just as she is paged. She takes the phone in my room and calls someone. "Okay, on my way." She says. "There is something for you at reception." She says.

"Oh okay." I say. She smiles and leaves, only to come back a minute or two later with a small duffle bag.

"Here you go, I have to see another patent but I'll be back." She says. I nod and I unzip the bag. The first thing I see is a white rose from the dance; if I couldn't hear my heartbeat on the monitor I would have sworn my heart skipped a beat. I look at it as my hand goes down the sides of the folded clothes to pick them up but when I put my thumb onto it kind of crunches. I let go of my clothes and I pull out the note I wrote for Jacob. It seems the same, except there is a drop near the bottom right hand side. I start to feel ill but I peel off the wires and I unclip some of the machines monitoring me; I take the pole holding my IV in my hand before getting up. The machines start to beep but I walk out of the room and I walk to where I think the reception is.

"Lindy, you need to get back into bed." The nurse says, running towards me and taking a hold of the IV stand.

"I need to see him; I need to know if he is okay." I say groggily.

"Lindy I think something is wrong with you, you need to get in bed and let me get a doctor." She says, my grandma now comes round the corner and tries to stop me from walking.

"Lindy stop, you're going pale." She says.

"I need to see him." I mumble, letting go of the IV stand and walking to the double doors. Suddenly there are more nurses standing around me with some doctors.

"Lindy calm down, you can see him once you're better." A doctor says.

"But he might need help, he might not be okay." I say. Walking forwards more, the IV pulls at my arm but I can hardly feel it anymore, come to think of it, I can't feel anything anymore.

"We can find him, we'll make sure he is okay, but you need to be okay too." A doctor says. I stop and a few nurses come closer. I look down at my hands and I squeeze them closed, when I let go and realise I can't feel them they disappear.

"I can't feel anything." I say.

"We need to get you back, we can help you then." A nurse says.

"I'm disappearing." I say as I collapse. The nurses control the fall and I watch as they surround me. My hearing goes and I can't feel them, but I look up at the ceiling and at the light and focus on it until eventually, my sight goes too.