Because I love you.

Chapter twenty six: Back

It is a month after Jacob leaves that I fly back to America for prom. I am nervous to see everyone but I have missed my Grandma so much. Jacob picks me up from the airport, he is leaning on his car as he waits; he has his sunglasses on and some kind of white stick pointing out of his mouth. When he sees me he smiles and walks over to get my suitcase.

"I missed you." He says, pulling whatever it was out of his mouth and putting his hand on my jaw, kissing me. I smile and kiss him back. He makes sure to show how much he missed me as he kisses me, it makes my toes curl. When he finally pulls back he puts the lollypop back in his mouth; that explains the sweetness.

He puts my suitcase in his car and we get in. He passes me a lolly and drives off. I play some music and look out of the window to watch everyone walk by. The sky is so blue but there is such a nice breeze. I take a deep breath and look back at Jacob who is smiling widely.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing, I just... I'm just so happy you're back." He says. I smile and I lean back, watching as the roads become familiar.

When I get home my grandma and I embrace while Jacob gets my suitcase and puts it in my room. My grandma hasn't changed at all but she comments on how long my hair has gotten and how I look healthier.

"I guess I had a good doctor." I say, trying not to think about Evan.

"Well you go and unpack my dear. I heard it is a long day tomorrow." My grandma says. I nod and I go upstairs where Jacob is looking out of my window. I sigh a happy sigh as I see the view, Jacob looks back and we kiss again.

"So, apparently it's a long day for me tomorrow." I say.

"Yeah, Carrie needs you to go dress shopping with her and Nat." He says. I nod in understanding and I walk to the window.

"Did you miss it?" He asks, holding me from behind. I smile and nod. I haven't seen the view properly for so, so long. With being in England and keeping the blinds down while I was still here, it's been so long.

"Yeah, for the last couple months my blinds were down, I don't know if you noticed." I say.

"I did, I kept my blinds open most of the time. I kind of wanted to check on you." He says. I can't help but smile a little.

"That doesn't sound like you." I say.

"What can I say, you changed me." He says and turns me to kiss me again. I smile and we kiss for a while before lying in my bed and laying on each other. I draw random lines on his lower chest as I look out of the window. "I'm surprised you haven't fallen asleep yet." He says.

"Oh, well I don't need any more sleep than anyone else now, plus I slept on the plane." I explain.

"Has your body recovered then? Is that why you don't need the sleep?" He asks.

"No, it turns out I was anaemic, I take iron now so my energy is back to normal. I still get cold easily though." I say with a slight laugh. Jacob nods and plays with my hair. "Do you want to go swimming later?" I ask.

"Sure, when?" He asks.

"Sunset, I have to unpack and have dinner with my grandma but then we can." I say.

"Sounds good." He says. I smile and after a few minutes of silence Jacob lets me unpack. I have a shower and head downstairs where my grandma has finished putting our plates on the table.

"It smells amazing." I say as I sit down, my grandma smiles and we eat. We make small talk about England and what she has done while I have been away.

"Carlton and I have kept in contact." My grandma says with a blush. My jaw drops a bit and I raise my eyebrows.

"Grandma, do you have a boyfriend?" I ask.

"I don't know, but he wants to take me somewhere next weekend." She says. "He wants it to be a surprise." She says. I awe and I convince her to go, telling her that I will be fine here alone for a weekend, plus Jacob will be here.

After dinner I help wash everything and then I get ready to go swimming. I see the sun lower and after making sure I look good in my black bikini and matching sun dress in slip on some black flip flops and I text Jacob to say I'm on my way over. If we swam in my pool it is more likely that my grandma will see, and who really wants that?

"You look amazing." Jacob says as he opens the door. He is already in his swimming trunks and that's it. I return the compliment and we head to the pool, chasing each other almost. I take my shoes off and I take off my sundress. I see Jacob watch as I do, I blush and he checks me out. I bite my lip as I see his eyes scan over the scars he can see. Although he has made it clear that he in a way likes them I feel self conscious. He notices and kisses me.

"I love you." He says quietly. I smile and kiss him again.

"Jump in?" I ask. He smiles and picks me up, making me squeal. "Put me down." I say.

"Okay." He says before throwing me in the pool. I splash him and he holds out his hand to pull me out, instead I pull him in, getting my revenge.

We splash and mess around for a while, but eventually we end up resting on the edge of the pool, watching the sun set and some boats pass in the distance. It is so tranquil and the pool is so warm. As the sun sets more and more stars shine through it is honestly the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Jacob pushes some of my hair to the side and kisses my shoulder, slowly moving up my neck. I smile and I feel him untie my bikini top, I laugh a little and he throws it to the side before turning me and kissing me again.

"I love you." He says, holding me close.

"I know." I say.

"You used to say I love you too." He says before kissing my jaw slowly. My stomach drops and I sigh.

"I'm sorry." I say simply. He runs his hand over my hair and I sigh.

"Do you feel any different towards me?" he asks. I take a deep breath. No, I don't feel any different, but it's more complicated than that.

"No, but you know it's not that simple." I say.

"It can be." He says. I frown and turn away, looking back out to the sea. Jacob holds me from behind again and I sigh.

"I'm sorry." He says. "I just want things to be like they were before. I know it was dramatic but it was also somehow simpler. I was yours and you were mine. Now I have to compete with Evan for you." He says.

"No you don't." I say. "I'm not some prize to be won Jacob. I've realised I'm not choosing between you and him. I'm just figuring things out. Jacob, I hardly know who I am. I lost my identity when I got sick, then I wanted to recreate myself here with you but I don't know if that is just who I want to be or who I truly am. You love me, Evan loves me. But I don't know; me." I say honestly.

"Why can't you be who you want to be then? Here with me." He says.

"Because I don't know if I want to be that girl anymore. And saying that doesn't mean I feel differently towards you." I say.

"So, until you figure out what you want, you won't know who you want to be with?" He asks.

"If I want to be with anyone at all." I say. "I do love you Jacob, but don't you think I need to figure that out before I can be with someone?" I ask.

"But I love you." He says quietly. "I want to be with you, I love you; I need you." He says. I smile and hold onto his broad, strong shoulders.

"You have me." I say. "I haven't booked any flights yet. I'm right here for you. I just can't promise I'll stay forever." I say, running a hand through his wet hair.

"I suppose I'll make it count then." He says. I smile and he kisses me.

"I suppose you will."