How I Feel - An Olivarry Story

The Light

You and I... We have something. Something real. I should've told you before, but I'm telling you now. Oliver, I love you...

Barry had been driving for a while now. The city was quiet. Not much was going on around this time at night. The lights were just about the only thing that struck the city alive. Barry had been left to think of all the things he could possibly say to Oliver, given what this midnight text was for. Did Oliver and Felicity break up? Does he just need a friend to keep him company? Does he need some help catching some thugs? All the possibilities swarmed his brain. He didn't want to mess this up. He didn't want to confess his feelings to Oliver at the wrong time, and he certainly doesn't want to confess them only for it to be one sided. However, there was one grey area. Barry usually came over during the day, or slept over after spending the day there. He never had visited this late at night without any conversation beforehand. Am I foolish for believing there is something more at play?

Oliver Queen was known for his casual hookups. Surely he's not seen as some playboy billionaire anymore, but when he was, the people of what was known as Starling City, or just about anyone who knew the Queen family, were colored surprised when Oliver revealed he had begun a serious relationship with Laurel Lance. He wasn't the type of guy to tie the knot, much less keep it. However, everyone also knew ever since the 8th grade Oliver had an interest in Laurel. Soon after, that interest became love. Eventually, that love became being in love. Somewhere down the line, he decided to end the meaningless hookups and begin his relationship with Laurel. Again, everyone was surprised he had the strength to commit to it.

But there was one thing he wasn't known for and until late October of last year, Barry had not known either.

Oliver had invited Barry to spend the day with him in his home. They both knew that Halloween would be a busy night for both the Arrow and The Flash, so they wanted to do a small fest between just the two of them early.

The two men were laying on the floor watching some cheesy Halloween special that was playing on one of the television networks. Oliver sits up, clears his throat, and turns off the TV. "This is boring."

Barry follows, sitting up with his legs crossed over each other. "I didn't know the fastest man alive was such a snore to you, Ollie." Barry teases.

"I meant the show. And when are you ever going to stop bragging about that?"

"Never." Barry promises.

"Just because you have super speed doesn't mean I can't kick your ass."

"In your dreams."

Oliver laughs. He starts fiddling with his thumbs. He probably misses his bow, Barry thinks to himself. "You alright, Oliver?" Barry asks nervously. "The movie wasn't that bad."

"Yeah. There's just been something on my mind."

"You can talk to me about it." Barry pleads.

"Well, the Halloween before I was officially dating Laurel, I was with someone else." Oliver begins to explain.

"Some Russian chick?" Barry jokes.

"No. Just forget it."

"Wait. Ollie, I'm sorry. Please. You have my attention."

Oliver sighs. He takes a while to open up, but he does. "It was a guy."

"A guy?"

"Adrian. Adrian Chase. He was... great. Funny. Kind. You know. All of that."

"What happened?"

"We went to a Halloween party our mutual friend was having. We didn't really know anyone there, so we mostly just stayed around each other. We were getting really tired, so we stole a tray of cupcakes and then we headed to my place. Thea was out with her friends, and my parents were having a business dinner. We were alone. So we took the tray and sat on the pool deck. Our legs were in the water. I remember grabbing a cupcake and taking off the skeleton ring on top. He took the one with the monster ring. We were joking about how these would be the rings we would use when we asked someone to marry us. You know? Stupid stuff. Then we got caught in the moment and we just..." He trails off for a moment. Barry could tell this was very hard for him to share. He rubs his hand on Oliver's thigh, signaling his support. He continues. "We kissed. And I liked it. I don't know. It was prior to me figuring out my exact feelings for Laurel, but I still enjoyed it. Then he pushed me into the pool even though I had all my clothes on. I remember it being so cold. But I didn't care. I pulled him in with me and we were just playing around. He kissed me again. And it was nice."

"I didn't know you were..."

"Bisexual? Yeah." Oliver interrupts. "At the time I didn't know either. He went home and I spent the rest of the night in fear of who I was, or who I could potentially be. I was afraid. So afraid of what the people of my city would think of me, how my sister would view me as, and what my parents would do. I was afraid they were going to make me stop hanging out with him altogether, and set me up with someone to keep me occupied. So I took it upon myself and screwed it up like I did and do with everyone else, and ghosted him. I stopped speaking to him and completely shut him out. Eventually he took the hint. At the time, I've never felt so ashamed."

"Wow, Ollie. That's... a lot."

"I know. Every Halloween the memory creeps back into my mind. He was so nice. He kept who I was and what we did a secret. He was a true friend, even when I turned my back on him. He probably had the same fears as I was. Wrestling with who he was himself. I ran into him last week. He's now married. I'm just glad he's found someone who could give him what I couldn't. Acceptance."

"You're a good friend too."

"I didn't tell you that so you could praise me... I told you because I think I'm ready to accept who I am. If he can, I should too. Part of me thinks I slammed myself into so many meaningless flings because I didn't have the strength to accept me for who I was. Who I am. But I'm ready. You're the first person I've told."

"I'm glad you told me. I know it wasn't easy."

"Was it hard when you told me?" Oliver questions.

"No. I knew you wouldn't judge me. That's who you are as well."

Oliver smiles. "Thank you."

Barry grabs the remote and before he hits play, he cracks another joke. "Welcome to the club, Mr. Queen."

Barry had reached the light that turned to Oliver's neighborhood. It was red. Barry sighs. He was nervous, but he also couldn't wait to get there. Any time spent with Oliver was a good time for him. Whatever they were going to do or talk about, he was sure he would enjoy it.

Normal time for a speedster felt like an eternity sometimes. Especially when that very speedster is anticipating to spend time with one of the most important people in his life, awaiting for a conversation that is bound to happen sometime. That's if he decides to tell that person how he feels.

Barry, being the impatient man he is, decides to check his phone. Coincidentally, Oliver sends him a message the moment he turns on his cell.

Where are you?

A smile creeps up on Barry's face. The light.

Oliver responds quickly. That damn light.

Turned green. See you in a few.

Barry puts his phone down and drives into the neighborhood. He parks in front of Oliver's house. This is it, he thinks to himself. This may be the night I tell him how I feel. How the hell am I going to do that?

Oliver sends him another text. Can't wait to see you.

Me too. Barry grabs his jacket and keys and starts walking to the front door. He clears his throat and builds the courage to finally ring the doorbell.

The door opens.