Winter's End [winter soldier//Bucky Barnes AU]

Chapter Fifteen

*Bucky's POV*

"He's a weapon, and that's all he'll ever be."

Punch.

"He's lost control.."

Punch.

"You're just a brainwashed assassin, with no mind of his own!"

Punch.

Each punch was harder than the last, my fists banging against the punching bag as hard as possible. There were so many people that had taken my life away from me; and imagining their faces on the rough leather in front of me didn't seem to help, even though I thought it would.

I kept punching, sweat dripping down my brow. I needed to be stronger. Clearly I wasn't strong enough, if someone was able to take Sarah from me.

My arms were aching- I had been at this for at least an hour and a half, nonstop. The only time I hadn't been punching was when I was practicing my roundhouse, heel snap, and jump kicks against the punching bag.

Before I began, Fury had woken us all up at eight AM and told us to do some sort of training. He didn't care what it was. He just wanted us to be in shape, because Hydra or Loki could strike at any time.

I had taken off to the loft of the barn, where I found an old bag. I stuffed it with hay, hung it with rope, and boom- punching bag.

Sarah, I believe, had gone off with Natasha. I'm not really sure. I just needed a moment alone, and I knew she could handle herself without me. In truth, I didn't really want her to see me like this, full of anger, rage, bitterness. I know that if I told her that she'd tell me that it was reasonable for me to feel those things, but I still didn't like to show her that.

I didn't like anyone seeing that I was weak.

I didn't care who it was.

I paused for a moment to steady the punching bag, and took a deep breath, tightening the small bun in my hair. I wished I didn't even have a weak side. Then no one could hurt me.

I found myself once again filled with rage, as I punched the bag again, even harder. I heard someone yelling, and realized it was me.

I also realized that no matter how hard I tried, I would never not have a weak side. I had too many people I cared about, too many people that Hydra or Loki could hurt, that could make me weak.

I sniffed and wiped my eyes, suddenly overcome with a feeling of helplessness.

I honestly didn't know how I was going to defeat Hydra and Loki without losing someone. It just seemed that this battle was one we couldn't win, no matter what we did. The odds had been stacked up against us for a very long time, and it was highly likely that even the Avengers may not be able to do anything.

I sighed and walked over to sit on an old bench against the wall, grabbing a water bottle I had brought up here. I twisted it open and threw my head back, gulping the cold water down quickly and quenching my thirst. I put the cap back on and sat there trying to control my ragged breathing.

I was covered in sweat and breathing way harder than I thought, suddenly realizing that I was a hell of a lot more tired than I had noticed while punching.

I closed my eyes for a moment, before hearing a knock. I turned to the right, to see Sarah standing there and looking at me, concerned.

"Bucky? You ok?" She asked timidly, scared there was something wrong. I gave her a weak smile and shrugged.

"I could be better."

She smiled sadly and wrapped her arms around herself, coming to the bench. She sat down lightly beside me and glanced at my hair. It was tied in a small bun, with a few strands falling out and into my face.

"I love your hair like that." She told me, and my smile widened.

"Thanks. I love your hair all the time." I replied, using my hand to flip her hair over her head and into her face. She laughed, a wonderful laugh, that brightened my while world.

Her small fingers brushed the hair from her face and revealed the beautiful eyes of hers, that reflected a million colors.

In this moment, she couldn't possibly be any more beautiful.

I stared at her for a second longer before leaning in and pressing my lips to hers, closing the gap between us. Her soft lips moved in sync against mine, and I wrapped my arms around the small of her back, while she had hers latched around my neck.

As I deepened the kiss, my senses heightened. I could feel her hair tickling my shoulder, her eyelashes brushing against my cheekbone, her delicate fingers clutching my neck. My whole world was filled with her.

She pulled away sooner than I'd like, and pressed her forehead to mine while gasping for air. My eyes flicked up to hers as she started to speak.

"What was that about?" She asked, and I smiled lightly.

"Nothing. I just really, really love you."

She threw her head back and laughed, hugging me tight.

"I love you too, Bucky." She replied simply.

--

We sat like that for a long time. All I could smell, see, hear, feel, think about...was her.

It was astounding how even in all of this madness, all of this danger and imminent threat of death, she could be my clarity. My sole source of happiness.

"Bucky?" She asked suddenly, interrupting my thoughts. I looked her.

"Will you tell me what's bothering you?"

I sighed. I knew she'd figure it out, but that didn't mean I wanted to talk about it.

"It's not necessarily something that's bothering me, it's just a constant worry that I've had for a long time, even more so now that we are facing such a big threat." I replied, and she looked at me confusedly. "I have to protect the main thing I can't live without. That's you. And you've already been taken, so clearly I'm not strong enough to protect you. And, not only do I have to protect you, but I have to protect everyone else on this team, because they mean almost as much to me. I just....don't feel strong enough. I feel like if the moment comes, when I have to give everything I have to save you, that I won't be able to."

I looked at the punching bag in the middle of the room, swinging ever so slightly. Sarah cleared her throat.

"Buck, you don't need that weight on your shoulders. If that moment comes, and you can't save us, absolutely no one will blame you. We all trust each other with our lives, but we also know that sometimes, we just can't be saved. There's nothing we can do about it." She whispered, her freezing hand on my shoulder. I nodded, placing my hand over hers, and let the words sink in. My heart lifted a tiny bit.

"Thank you. I needed that." I replied.

She gave me a nod, and I stood up, walking back towards the punching bag. Even though I felt better, I still felt the uncontrollable urge to be stronger. I started to pound it once again, harder and harder, imagining Loki's face right in the middle of it, along with any Hydra agent I've seen before.

Later, Sarah joined in. The whole day we punched and kicked in an attempt the solve our problems, until our muscles ached painfully with fatigue.

However, it was actually a great day.

--