Winter's End [winter soldier//Bucky Barnes AU]

Chapter Seventeen

*Bucky's POV*

Today was the day before we invaded the Hydra base.

Honestly, I'm not going to lie- I was really, really nervous that we weren't going to win. There was, what, ten of us? And thousands upon thousands of guards, scientists and agents down in that underground base?

Again, I didn't feel like I was strong enough to protect everyone. Me and Steve were more or less considered the leaders of this group, and I needed to be strong enough to not only lead, but also to protect them and get everyone out. I felt the heavy weight of responsibility lying on my shoulders.

It was about 5 am now and sleep was the last thing on my mind at the moment. I wandered upstairs and found my makeshift punching bag, stuffing it full of hay and hanging it up. My first few punches were full of rage, anger, and desperation. I hit it again and again as hard as I could, the bag swinging back and forth, as sweat beaded on my forehead. I brought my left arm around my body and swung my fist into the bag, so hard that it unhooked itself from the ceiling and flew across the room. Dammit.

I groaned and clenched my teeth, stalking across the room to retrieve it. I grabbed the handle on the side and yanked it up, and in that split second, my gaze settled on a shimmering light outside the window. I was on the top floor of the barn, so the light was a long way away. But it was still way closer than I'd like.

I knelt down until my eyes were just above the window sill, focusing my eyes. The shimmering stopped shortly, and of course, at the worst possible time, Loki appeared.

I cursed under my breath and narrowed my eyes at his shrouded form. He just stood at the edge of the woods, hardly visible anymore, watching the farmhouse. He stood completely still as he stared and I found my heart racing. It was as if the god could tell I was watching.

I also stood still, not wanting to move in fear of detection. If he hadn't already detected me.

I watched him for a long, long time, and the whole while he just stood completely still, facing the farmhouse. And then, at the end of an excruciating wait, he simply turned and walked into the woods.

I frowned and and twisted around, sitting so I was leaning against the windowsill. I dropped my head into my hands.

As if I didn't have enough problems. Now I had an evil god on my tail.

I wanted to scream, yell in frustration at the top of my lungs about how unfair this whole fucking world is. We couldn't catch a single break. There was never a single point in time when there wasn't someone after us, when someone wasn't trying to kill us, or when someone wasn't trying to experiment on or torture us. It was a sick, cruel, and utterly twisted world we lived in. And it wasn't getting any nicer.

I rubbed my eyes, suddenly tired. My brain was going a hundred miles per hour, thoughts swirling around in a dizzying manner. I needed to sleep for once.

I left the punching bag where it was on the floor and abandoned the loft area, trying to silence the voices in my head. When I went downstairs, I saw everyone right where I left them, sleeping soundly on makeshift cots. I immediately headed to the back left corner and collapsed next to Sarah, who woke up sleepily.

"Bucky, where were you?" She mumbled sleepily, clutching the front of my jacket with her fist. I scooted closer and wrapped my arms tightly around her middle, inhaling her familiar clean scent, and enjoying her presence.

I didn't know how much longer I would be able to.

"Nowhere, beautiful. Go back to sleep. I'm here now." I whispered into her hair, and she nodded lightly.

"We're safe?" She questioned.

"We're safe."

--

This time I actually fell asleep, and when Sarah woke me up it was around noon. She hit me tiredly and I jolted awake, my body now full of energy because of how much I slept, and my gaze fell on her. She was lying next to me with her eyes barely open.

"Jesus, Sarah. You scared the hell out of me." I muttered, laying back down against the pillows. She laughed and picked her head up, moving closer to me, and resting her chin on my chest. Her bright eyes stared at me.

"You never wake up this late. Were you up all night?" She asked, and I sighed, leaning forward to brush her hair away from her eyes.

"Nothing gets by you, huh?"

She smiled at my comment, and then silently waited for me to answer.

"Alright. I couldn't sleep very well last night, so I worked out a little. And about halfway through, I looked out the window, and I saw Loki standing at the ege of the woods. Just staring at the barn. He stood there for a good fifteen minutes, completely still, before turning and walking away. I have no idea what he was doing." I explained, watching her eyebrows knot together tightly. Her jaws clenched and she looked down. She looked like she was hiding something, or she knew something that I didn't, and opened her mouth to say something. But she changed her mind.

"Why can't life be easy?" She murmered instead, scooting up and putting her head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her. I wondered what she was going to say before she changed her mind.

"I don't know, Sarah. I don't know."

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