Winter's End [winter soldier//Bucky Barnes AU]

Chapter Twenty Seven

*Sarah's POV*

When my eyes finally opened, after a long night of peaceful sleep, the first thing I saw was Bucky.

His hair, almost the same length as before, was spread across the pillow. His real arm was laid lazily across my waist, while his metal one was bunched up beneath him. It didn't seem comfortable, but I guess he's gotten used to it.

The thick comforter enveloped us both, shielding us from the oncoming winter. I realized that it's been nearly a year since all of this started. Almost a year since I was a lowly S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. About a year since I first saw Bucky in the hall, and he purposefully didn't shoot me. Nearly a year since Garrett had shot me in the arm and I had hardly made it to that cabin, where the man formerly known as a killing machine had stitched me up and allowed me to stay with him.

I thought of just how much shit I've been through in a little less than a year. From being a runaway with Bucky, to meeting with and joining the Avengers, to storming the first base and finding Cara and Valerie, to me being captured and tortured. Then me being rescued. Then me forgetting Bucky; causing him so much pain that it hurts me, even if I couldn't control it.

Next came Crossbones, who tormented us for months and ended up killing Valerie. Then we hardly made it out of our own base alive- and the bomb nearly killed Bucky. We got him to the hospital on his last leg, just a scrap of him still alive. Amazingly, the doctors were able to save him. But they weren't able to save his mind. That was when he attacked me; when he grabbed my throat and I watched as he tried to squeeze me to death, certain that I was his enemy.

My own stupid thinking, and pure desperation, led me to make that deal with Loki to save him. The memory of that deal still haunts me, because I could've done some real damage to the team without realizing it. Loki's favor nearly costed them all of their lives.

Then we ran and ran again and again until we were able to make a plan, and finally attack the heart of Hydra. And that final battle was what killed Peter- making me realize just how close he was to surviving it all the way through.

Thinking of everything, it seems like a vague, distant memory. It's hard to believe we actually lived it. And how on Earth did we survive it?

I'm still haunted by dreams, and I know that I will never get over some of the horrific things I saw. I know that I won't be the same again, physically and mentally. But I'm alive, and after everything, just being alive is somewhat of a miracle.

So instead of getting up, like I was planning on, I put my head on Bucky's shoulder and fell back to sleep.

--

When I woke up again, Bucky was still there. He was running his fingers through my hair with his eyes closed, and I swear, there is no better feeling than this.

I heard a rumble outside and realized that it was thunder storming. Rain started to fall, first in a small drizzle, and soon into a heavy downpour. The raindrops streamed down the window, making it hard to see the oncoming storm. But I was so comfortable and so content, and it had been so long since I was, that I didn't mind. While I was awake, Bucky seemed to be caught between dreams and reality, sometimes asleep and sometimes shifting and opening his eyes. His arm remained around me though as he tossed and turned and muttered to himself in words I couldn't understand.

I had just closed my eyes when he started to shout.

"NOOO! DON'T.....DON...DON'T TAKE HER!" He began to yell, suddenly thrashing in the bed. My eyes shot open and I reached out, pushed his arms down. When I wasn't strong enough, I froze them to the bed, leaning down sadly to wake him from his terrible nightmare.

"Bucky!" I called, and his eyes shot open, bloodshot and panicked. He was breathing heavily and was covered in a thin layer of sweat. He looked almost wild when I woke him, but when he made eye contact with me, he immediately relaxed. I unfroze his arms promptly and pulled the blanket over him, sitting next to him and waiting for him to calm down.

"It's ok, Bucky. It was just a nightmare that's all." I whispered, and he nodded, trying to control his breathing. I pushed the hair off his face and cupped his chin. He leaned into my hand and closed his eyes, shaking slightly.

"Shhh. It's alright. We're safe." I whispered to him again. He didn't acknowledge that he heard me, but I knew he did. I looked over at my nightstand and stared at Bucky's dog tags lying there beside the lamp. You could hardly see them since it was so dark, but just knowing they were there, along with their owner, comforted me in a way that nothing else could.

I was still sitting up and rubbing Bucky's cheek when I heard another scream, coming from another room. I couldn't really make out who it was, but it was just as deep and traumatizing as Bucky's deep throated yell. I think it was Steve.

Yes, we are a damaged few. And yes, the horrors we have endured will never go away, and we will have to relive it again night after night as we struggle to come to terms with who we are.

But we are the Avengers.

What else would we do?

--

AN

I didn't mean to make that sound like the last chapter but it did whoops

It's not the end I promise. I think I'll write like five more or something. I'll write as much as I can!

Also sorry this took so long. I'm slammed with homework and gymnastics. Speaking of which, I can't update next weekend bc I have a gymnastics competition. Sorry :(

-Jordan💕