Stood Up - Treebros (Dear Evan Hansen)

Chapter 17

Evan POV

Jared:
Come to Connor's house rn

Jared:
And hurry

Jared:
It's an emergency

Jared:
Evan???

Evan:
What happened? Why do I have to go?

Jared:
It involves you now hurry up

Evan:
Fine

I'm not sure how seriously I should take this. Jared likes pranks and jokes. His initials are literally JK. This sounds pretty serious, though.

I walked quickly to Connor's house. Before I even finished knocking, the door swung open. Jared was inside. "Finally." There was no smile, laugh, or even a hint of happy in Jared's expression. But why?

I looked left to the dining table to find Larry rubbing circles on an inconsolable Cynthia's back. I looked right to the living room and saw Zoe on the verge of tears. She and I made eye contact and she didn't get angry.

"What's going on?" I asked, completely oblivious.

Cynthia's head jerked up and then she did too. She grabbed a paper off the table and came to me to hug me. She was sobbing. "Oh Evan."

"What?"

Larry walked over and gestured to the paper. She started unfolding and straightening it out. Larry whispered something in her ear. Cynthia responded out loud, "I'm going as fast as I can."

"That's not what I said, is it?"

She held the paper in front of me. "It's addressed to you."

"M-My letter," I stuttered as I scanned the text. It's the letter I wrote for therapy and set on my desk. Connor took it?

"I still don't get it."

Zoe said, "Connor killed himself."

I gulped. "Huh?"

"He ODed on something. Yesterday after A La Mode."

Suddenly I couldn't speak. My mind went completely blank. Who's standing in front of me? Whose hand is on my shoulder? I dropped the paper.

....It turns out this wasn't an amazing day after all...

Connor used this letter on purpose.

...And all my hope is pinned on Zoe. Who I don't even know and who doesn't know me...

I did this, having him talk to Zoe at A La Mode yesterday. This is my fault. ((NO IT IS NOT, EVAN.))

"Evan, you okay?" It was Jared's hand on my shoulder. I pushed it off.

"No. I'm not okay. My boyfriend killed himself because of me!"

Larry raised his eyebrow at "boyfriend." Cynthia looked up, her face stained from a river of tears.

Zoe got up. "Evan, it wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was. I took him to A La Mode and he argued with you and hated every second of it because he was truly sorry for hurting you and I put the idea in his head to go work it out with you and I hate myself for not talking to him in the bathroom when he tried to." I was rambling. I was stuttering and slurring words. I started sobbing too. I tried to storm out of the house, but I slipped on my own tears and fell. I stayed on the ground. Depressing, huh. Connor was right. Today wasn't an amazing day.

~

Two weeks later, I'm still hurting. I still blame myself for Connor.

I graduate in four days. I boxed up the letter with my old school memories like crafts from kindergarten, DVDs with our elementary school concerts on them, and sock puppets Jared and I made all the time. I'm packing up some of my stuff to go to college. It's only an hour away.

I met Zoe in the orchard a few days ago and she apologized, realizing she was totally mean to me and she feels terrible. I accepted her apology. I don't hold grudges because I don't like hating people. It feels good to accept it too. I wish I could apologize to Connor. 

~~~

Lol bad foreshadowing, I know, but this is why Evan doesn't like 17. Chapter 17. Get it? Ok I'll leave..